Things Aren't Always What They Seem

"I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger

I'm traveling through this world of woe

Yet there's no sickness, toil nor danger

In that bright land to which I go..."

-Traditional American Folk Song-

Just this morning I was thinking about someone from my past. When I was in high school, my summer job (since the age of 10) was as a caddy at Glen View Country Club. 

This was a very wealthy club on Chicago's North side and catered to people like JD Searle (yes THAT Searle!). Anyway, I quickly befriended another caddy who was older than I, and I only knew him as L&M (every caddy worth their salt got a nickname. Mine was Bear. Anyway L&M was a loner.  He always looked a bit haggard, with his long, thin sandy hair, clean shaven face and clean but wrinkled clothes, and he was very tall and thin. His skin was weathered making him look older than he was. 

We spent a lot of time just hanging out at the caddy shack (yes, there actually IS a caddy shack!) waiting for our 'loops' (this is what an assignment was called).  We often went to McDonalds for lunch, or I'd share whatever lunch my mom may have made for me, and sometimes I'd bring him to my house and we'd eat and hang out. He was the nicest, kindest, most interesting guy I knew. He was a gentle soul.  Also well traveled. Well, I soon found out that he didn't have home to go to after work.  Rather, he said he lived in the woods, and then when the season ended here (around early October) he'd go down to Florida and caddy somewhere down there. It just NEVER occurred to me that I was friends with a homeless man, nor did I care.  I just thought this is what he enjoyed doing, and like the beatniks and hippie's (which he was one) he preferred to not be 'tied down' with material things. The only possession he seemed to own was a bicycle.  

I have no idea if he was an alcoholic or druggie (I never saw any evidence of anything other than an occasional joint - remember this was the early 1970's!), and he was well educated, articulate, and had some of the most astute observations of and about people and things around us. I often invited him to stay overnight when the weather was crappy, but he never took me up on it. 

I've been thinking a lot about homeless people and the connection to Mental Illness lately. 

Approximately 20 - 25% of the single adult homeless population suffers from some form of severe and persistent mental illness (National Resource and Training Center on Homelessness and Mental Illness, 2003)

I was working in South Miami back in the late 1990's and on my way to campus, as I was stopped at a light, a man came up to my window with this newspaper and a donation jar.  I plunked in whatever change I had and he handed me a copy.  At lunch I decided to read it. I came across an article written by a young woman who recently found herself in the unthinkable position - she was homeless.


This educated woman recently lost her job, followed by the loss of custody of her children, she then lost her home to foreclosure, and then the only thing she had left was her car - which she was living in until it too was repossessed by the bank.

With no place else to turn, she started begging and pan handling on the street, occasionally doing things she now deeply regrets. Of the many things she talked about, the one thing that really stuck out for me was how she described people who would give her money. She said many of them asked her what she would do with the money, as a condition before giving it to her.  She said most times she'd lie and say what she thought they wanted to hear. 

But her opinion was this: "...it's none of your business what I do with the money you give me.  It's your choice of course, if you want to give me anything.  And it's my choice what I do with it. Sometimes I buy food, or an evening in a shelter, or clothes. But sometimes all I want is something to help me forget about the fact I have no where to sleep tonight, I'm in physical and mental pain, emotionally depressed and maybe a cheap wine buzz helps..."

Amen.     

Should you be interested, The Voice of the Homeless newspaper is a fundraising arm of The Homeless Voice.ORG - http://www.homelessvoice.org/  This video is a great introduction to the incredibly difficult and important work that they do.  

http://youtu.be/PFJgUVTxhUQ  

These aren't just society's disposable problems - they are people, often with significant mental illness.  As I've made clear in numerous posts, there will be NO ice bucket Challenges for me, but if anyone wants to present me with a challenge for Mental Illness education and fundraising, I'm ALL In.  

Oh No Not the Bass solo!

On a recent trip to Chicago for a family wedding, I had the opportunity

during one of the many family gatherings to make a toast to a special person who has become a very important addition to my family, in an unusual way.  This lady is quiet, gentle, pretty, elegant, funny, soft-spoken, smart, caring, competent, and most important - very good at what she does.  All those years raising children, managing a household and loving a strong willed husband has presented her with many challenges and tremendous satisfaction.  Through it all she kept her composure, sense of humor, and just as important, her sanity.  The toast I made was, like most toasts, completely impromptu and in my inimitable style, I used a music analogy.

I got to thinking about the 'unsung hero's' of any great band. Everyone knows and loves the singers, and the lead guitarist or other lead instrumentalists take center stage.  The drummer's job in most bands is to keep time (unless you're the Who ;-), however the guy you never seem to hear or see is the bass player.  He/she is always seemingly tucked into a corner quietly, unnoticeably just doing their thing (whatever that may be).  The job of the bass player is to 'hold down the bottom end' of the groove allowing the other players to do their thing.  It is not an overestimation to say the bass player has the most crucial role in the band. Everyone in the band depends on the bassist's subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) lead. If the guitarist or saxophonist makes a mistake, hardly anyone will notice, but if the bassist makes a mistake, everyone in the band and the audience will instantly know that something is wrong. The Bass player links the harmony (chords) with the rhythm which determines whether it's the blues, rock, jazz, etc. 

I have two stunning examples of what I'm talking about here.  First, is James Jamerson known for his work over a 30 year period as bassist for the Funk Brothers - otherwise known as the band behind almost EVERY Motown record you ever heard.

James Jamerson

  Yea, that's him leading off the Temptations, My Girl. 

The other great example is the legendary Donald 'Duck' Dunn, who played bass with Booker T & the MG's.  'Duck' Dunn, along with mates Al Jackson and Steve Cropper as the studio band for Stax Records created the Memphis sound, which was the 'archrivals' to what the Funk Brothers were to the Motown Sound.  Yea, BOTH anchored by calm, cool bass players. 


This brings me back to Gerry.  This is the role Gerry is now playing in my family.  She's 'holding down the bottom end' that was once held by another very special lady - my mom.  She hasn't replaced her, heaven's no!  She has simply brought her unique 'voice' and style to a group of 'misfit toys' that was sorely in need of this sort of quiet, subtle, but strong and loving leadership.  May you continue to be blessed with good health, good humor, and surrounded with people who love you Gerry.  Thank you for all you do for the Berrafato's!

 

So my question to my dear readers is: Who is the 'unsung hero(s)' in your life? 

Sustainable Success in 2012 and Beyond

                    

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village.    

An American tourist, who was a

consultant, complimented the Mexican

fisherman on the quality of his

fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and

catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch

was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta

with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends,

have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs . . I have a

full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help

you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell

the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger

boat."

And after that?" asked the Mexican.

With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second

one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of

trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then

negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your

own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, 
Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really interesting,"

answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big,

you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" said the Mexican.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the

coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a

siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying

your friends."  - Anonymous


I love this story!  It's a great launch into today's chautauqua.  I'm calling it Sustainable Success in 2012 and Beyond.  Everyone strives for success, but just what exactly is success?  The achievement of a goal?  Sure, but who defines it?  
Can efforts that fail be successful?  
Who determines whether you succeed or fail?  
Why can this differ depending on who you ask?

I want to talk about how we determine success.  
More specifically, how we should determine success.   I've learned over the years that when I have allowed other people to create the rules of my success, I would fail just about every time.  It sounds so simple, but the trick is for you to create the rules of your success.  God has given all of us unique talents, skills, and attributes.  Just as it's possible to arrange a finite set of notes in infinite sequences to create music, the same is true with the way we use our God given talents to achieve our goals and dreams. The story of the Mexican Fisherman is a great example of this.  Both the Mexican and the American had the same goal, however each had very different ways of accomplishing it.  They also each share very different definitions of success.  


As a professional sales person one of the biggest, most important goals I strived for was being recognized as the Rep Of The Year.  Besides the plaque, money, and Rolex watch (which are ALL fabulous), the real prize is being recognized by your sales professional peers as being  #1. 
It's the equivalent of achieving an Olympic gold medal (in my opinion).  

The problem is that there are so many sales people who are better than I am at so many things and there is NO way I can beat them. After years of beating my head against the wall and intense disappointment, I decided to hell with this and just do what I do best. 


This is where the sustainable part comes in.  
I simply couldn't keep up the incredible and stressful sales effort, month after month, year after year, so I came up with ways to make the day to day grind more manageable and even enjoyable.  This allowed me to tolerate the long hours and mind numbing detail work.  It took me 11 years, and when I least expected it, I did finally achieve Rep Of The Year in 1996.  I am going on 28 years of working this crazy job with all it's unreasonable and often mind numbing travel and nonsense, but I've been able to sustain a level of performance that allows me to be a sales leader in my industry.  


When people ask me what my secret is, I tell them something no one wants to hear.  That being there is no secret.  Just sustaining a reasonable effort over a long period of time, making small and incremental changes regularly.  It's my opinion that greatness is not about winning the race every time. It's about finishing it - time after time, after time. Because what you'll find is that with each race, fewer and fewer people will finish. Excellence therefore is sustainable effort.  The simple test is to place this powerful adjective before any aspect of your life, and see if it is indeed true.

Just to put this into some perspective, I have been jogging since I was 16 and although I was never very fast, I was consistent.  As the years went on I got slower, covered fewer miles and skipped many days.  I conservatively estimate that I have been able to sustain a very modest record of jogging between 2 to 3 miles, 3 or 4 days a week over these 34 years. If you were to average this to say, 9 miles a week, x 52 weeks a year (468 miles a year).  Then multiply this by 34 years you get a total of 15,912 miles jogged.  That’s more than three quarters of the earth’s surface!  Think about it this way, it’s like running from Chicago to Beijing China, and back. Oh yea, then to Costa Rica for some beach time and rest.

Little changes sustained over a long period make a profound difference.   Who are you going to let define your success in 2012?   Let 2012 be the year that each of us introduces the power of sustainability to the important aspects of our lives. 

May you find sustainable peace, Love, friendship, good health, and prosperity in the new year.  

Some Christmas Thoughts for 2011

     As Christmas 2011 descends upon us, I would like to follow up my previous post of the Rule of Three.  In case you missed it, this was the thoughtful and excellent homily on the three types of friends in your life by Bishop TD Jakes.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PV6Ki_sau7g

     In the 27 years I have been a professional sales person, I can count the number of times I have missed my sales target on one hand.  After this disappointing and challenging year, I won’t be able to say that again.  This has left my head in a bad place where, like December, the days are short on sunlight, and the nights are cold, wet, long, and dark.  

     Like most of the U.S.A. recently, we have also had some unseasonably warm weather for December so I went for a long run yesterday.  As I was enjoying the fresh air and invigorating feeling of my muscles working and blood pumping, I had the overwhelming feeling of how great it is to be alive and healthy.  Like any 51 year old, I have my share of aches and pains, but for the most part I’m healthy.  My mind quickly went to thinking about friends and loved ones who are either no longer with us, or are struggling mightily with significant life threatening illnesses.  

     When I was 16, I watched in horror as my brothers best friend broke his neck in a hockey game, becoming paralyzed from the neck down.  Four years ago I helplessly sat by my mom’s side while she died from diabetes related heart disease.  Less than two years ago I carried the casket containing my closest and dearest friend from my childhood, who also succumbed to diabetes related heart disease.  Just this past year I witnessed my uncle, who at 70, was the fittest and healthiest person I know suddenly contract a deadly form of blood cancer which has racked his kidneys, leaving him depending on dialysis three days a week while he battles for his life. 

     My point is simply this (and no one struggles with this as much as I do!):  Intellectually I know how fortunate I am to have my health, however I continue to let the fact I missed my sales target this year bum me out.  How many of us let money, material things, and petty arguments obscure what is truly important to us?  I know we all have to have money to live, but you can’t live if you aren’t healthy.  Money won’t buy back your health (think Steve Jobs).  

     Christmas and the beginning of a new year is a great time to look back at how fortunate we all are for all that we have, and all that we have achieved.  The birth of Jesus gives us the hope for a new, brighter tomorrow.  Let’s all try and transcend our intellectual understanding of what’s important to an emotional and spiritual one.  Since our experience on this earth is a physical one, let’s start by taking better care of our human bodies so that we can free our minds and souls to pursue the limitless potential of the human experience, never forgetting that there are others who are not as fortunate as us. 

     I'll leave you with a couple of verses from the Red Hayes/Jack Rhodes tune,

 "A Satisfied Mind"

'How many times have you heard someone say'

'if I had his money, I'd do things my way?'

'But little they know that it's so hard to find'

'one rich man in 10, with a satisfied mind'

'Money won't buy back your youth when you're old'

'A friend when you're lonely, or peace to your soul'

'The wealthiest person is a pauper at times'

'Compared to the man, with a satisfied mind'

     This holiday season, count your blessings, hug your family & friends, stay safe, and eat more fruits and vegetables!

Peace & Love,

Mark-