A Special 'old school' Chicago Christmas Memory

"Silver bells, silver bells

It's Christmas time in the city

Ring-a-ling, (ring-a-ling) hear them ring (ting-a-ling)

Soon it will be Christmas day

City sidewalks, busy sidewalks

Dressed in holiday style

In the air there's a feeling of Christmas

Children laughing, people passing

Meeting smile after smile

And on every street corner you hear"

Although I was born in Chicago, I actually grew up in a suburb just north of the city, Morton Grove. When I was a little boy in the early 1960's there was a very special treat that my brothers and sister occasionally received. I didn't get downtown very often, however my Grandpa Berrafato worked downtown as a barber at Marshall Fields on State Street. For me there was no more magical time of the year than Christmas, and there are few places as spectacular as the Magnificent Mile in Chicago dressed in it's finest holiday greenery.

Few cities in the United States have as rich an architectural history as Chicago, or as special. One of those spectacular buildings was built in 1907 on State Street. It was built by Marshall Field, and became known as the largest department store in the world at the time. The history of this building is legendary, however there are a couple of things that will always stand out to me in my memory.





First, the iconic clock that would stand guard on the corner of State Street and Washington. This would become the meeting place for people downtown, "Meet me under the Clock at Marshall Fields!".

Second, this store had the largest Tiffany glass ceiling in the world! This work of art covers 6,000 square feet and comprises 1.6 million pieces of iridescent glass.

The dome was designed by renowned artist Louis Tiffany (it's the largest Tiffany mosaic in existence) and was crafted by 50 artisans who worked atop scaffolds for over 18 months to complete the project.

Finally, there is (it's still there!) the Walnut Room, with it's stunning Circassian Walnut paneling (installed over 100 years ago) and it's extraordinary Austrian chandeliers. This was the first restaurant in a department store and is also the longest continuously-operating restaurant in the nation. It opened in 1907 as the South Tea Room and in 1937 became known as the Walnut Room. Each year, a 45 foot tall tree, known as the Great Tree, adorns the restaurant from late November to early January and sets the space aglow with 15,000 lights and over 1,200 themed ornaments. Magnificent to behold!

Walnut Room

This is where my story begins. Because I had so many siblings (there is seven of us!), Grandma had to take us out in small groups. The tradition was, each year she'd take some of us downtown to visit Grandpa at work, then we'd all go to the Walnut Room for lunch. Some of us got Christmas, as others got Easter. For me, it was Christmas that captured my imagination.

We'd take the train in the morning to the Loop, and 'window shop' for a bit. Then we'd visit Grandpa at his hair studio. After meeting his colleagues, he'd take us to the Walnut Room for lunch.

Afterward we'd walk him back to work, then it was off to the Toy Department where Grandma would buy us each a toy! We'd then get on the train and head home. What a spectacular day! I'd look forward to this all fall!

Imagine my delight when my Aunt Elaine was able to bring my daughter Tess and her boyfriend Brian downtown this weekend to see the famed Walnut Room! It made me tear up with this wonderful memory!



What is your special holiday memory?  

Why Has Election Day Made Me So Angry?

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Find out what it means to me

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Take care, TCB"

Like so many of us, I've been thinking long and hard about this recent election and I'm just still angry as hell. So angry in fact, that I've barely been able to even discuss this even among friends. Although like many of us who have been trying to figure out what happened, the question I've been focusing on is this: where is this deep seated, visceral, and overwhelming anger inside of me coming from? 

Facebook, Twitter, and the 24/7 news cycle has shown me the full spectrum of human emotion this week, and not just from the United States, but from around the world. It's never been more clear that the whole world is watching us. 

 

I think I want to take a giant step back, and really do some soul searching. Instead of getting all political and rehashing everything we already know (and frankly, no one wants to relive) I want to explore my own anger. 

You see, the more I think about it, the more I'm coming to the conclusion that it's not so much coming from the fact we elected Donald Trump as our next president, but rather we elected a horrible, miserable, hateful, revengeful, spiteful, ugly, selfish and disrespectful human being. The most egregious being the disrespectful part. 

What does respect have to do with it? Well, I would argue everything actually. You see, in my book respect, integrity, and character are all that matter. My wife and I raised two beautiful, smart, funny, rambunctious, and strong-willed girls. 

We made plenty of mistakes, however we learned early on that we had to be united, consistent, and fair in laying down some basic rules and guidelines. 

Through trial and error, we came to agree on three rules that were non-negotiable, and everything else was. Here are the three: 1. Health - you will bathe, sleep, eat properly, take your medicine when necessary, and brush your teeth every day. 2. Education - you will go to school; you will do your homework, and you will finish high school (at the minimum). 3. Respect - You will respect yourself and others. Plain and simple. No exceptions.  

It's this third one I want to talk about, because this is the one that Mr. Trump has violated in the most spectacular, outrageous, and egregious way. I never paid any attention to this man until he entered this election, and then I had no choice. 

He forced us to pay attention. What we witnessed over an 18 month period is some of the worst, most childish, most mean spirited, but mostly just disrespectful behavior any of us have ever seen or experienced. He has said and done some of the most hurtful and disrespectful things any public figure - in the history of the world - has ever done. And he made sure it was all captured on camera or audio. 

I wouldn't tolerate this level of disrespect from my children or yours. I wouldn't tolerate it from my family, friends, coworkers, or even strangers. I certainly am not going to tolerate it from the president of the United States either. Neither should you. 

Respect is something you earn. The office of the President of the United States comes with a great deal of respect. The person who occupies that position does not. This person has to earn respect. 

This is why I'm so angry. Of all the monumental challenges Mr. Trump will face in this new position, perhaps earning our respect may be his greatest one.

Mr. Trump, it's your turn.  

A Remarkable Man, A Remarkable Life

I lost my last surviving uncle last week when he lost his battle with cancer. Uncle Tom O’Toole is married to my mom’s little sister, Elaine. They live in Phoenix, and have all their adult lives. I want to share a couple of wonderful memories of this great man. Before I do, I think it’s important to shed some background on my aunt by way of her family.  

The Senini’s, John and Alco were immigrants who came to Chicago to start their family. They had four children: Ed, Irene, Jack and Elaine. I’m not exactly sure of the dates, the order, or the reasons, but sometime in the 1950’s they all moved out west to parts in Arizona and started or raised their families (Grandma and Grandpa and Ed, who had seven children, in Yuma, and Jack, who had four, and Elaine who had four with Tom in the Phoenix area). 

Everyone accept my mom. She married Gabriel Berrafato and stayed in Chicago where all the other Berrafato’s were. I’m one of seven Berrafato children.

Aunt Elaine and Uncle Joe - Mark's Christening

One of the things I remember as a young boy growing up in the early 1960’s was that plane travel was really special, exotic even. I thought only rich or famous people could jet around the country. It was always a rare, special event when there was a ‘Senini sighting’ in Chicago back then. It also always meant there was going to be a party! I always associated my Aunt Elaine and Uncle Tom with good times (and I still do!) 

Elaine is my God mother and her husband, Uncle Tom both hold a special place in my life. He married me! Er, well, I mean he married Cristin and me. See Uncle Tom is also a retired Superior Court Judge.

Judge O'Toole and the proud Father-In-Law, Jules

When I asked Cristin to marry me we were living in Milwaukee, all my family was in the Chicago land area, and Cristin’s family was in the Phoenix area. After many, um, spirited conversations about the wedding it became apparent that no matter what we did, we were going to be unable to please both our families so we came up with an idea. Knowing Uncle Tom is a judge in Arizona, I asked him if he did marriage ceremonies. Imagine my incredible delight when he said yes! He loves to do these! So we began making plans for a small ceremony at Cristin’s parent’s Cave Creek home. 

Two things you need to know about my uncle: first, he’s a great athlete and second, he’s a huge sports fan (with allegiance to his beloved Notre Dame). When Cristin and I selected our wedding day, we unknowingly chose April 2, which also happened to be the second round of NCAA playoffs in 1988. The good judge said something like, “…I’m happy to marry you two, but not until after the game!” This was not well received by the mothers of the bride and groom (or his wife), however what choice did we have? If memory serves me correct, he was pleased when his Wildcats won, however the natives were getting restless. The ceremony was beautiful and everyone had a great time. I’m also pleased to report that Cristin and I are going on 29 years of wedded bliss so it really boosted the good Judges' wedding success stats!

The evening before Annie and Paul's wedding

The other quick story is back at the height of my running days, I was probably running five to seven miles almost daily and at a pretty good clip. I don’t recall the date, but one day during a visit to my in-laws I asked Uncle Tom if he’d like to run with me. He said sure, but I need to ‘take it easy on him’ because he was playing golf earlier that day. Well, we get out and it immediately became apparent that I was in trouble. Tom buried me! The only thing more humiliating than being killed by a guy 20 years older than me was his offers to stop and rest, which was clearly aimed at me.  

From 2004 or so to today, I was fortunate to spend much time in Phoenix on business and was able to get to know both my Aunt and Uncle well. Two finer people don’t exist and I’m so fortunate to have them in my life. Uncle Tom, you will be missed; however yours was a life well lived. You did right by your wife, children, and family. You honored your profession, and you upheld justice and the constitution for the most vulnerable amongst us. Your faith is strong, and it has guided you well. 

Godspeed Uncle Tom. Godspeed. 

Where Are You On Your Journey and What Are You Doing About It?

I recently received an e-mail from my rental car company which I didn't think much of until I opened it. I was expecting a promo offer of some sort, but instead what I saw was a dashboard telling me: How many times I rented cars from them in 2015; Where I rented; How many days I had the car; How many Frequent Rental Points I had and how many I used, so on and so forth. Welcome to the era of data analytics. Unless you've been living under a rock (or are part of my fathers generation - he's 87 and still can't figure out how to open his e-mail on his IPhone) you know that everyone is tracking what you do these days. Very Orwellian in many ways, but it is the way of the world as long as you are 'on the grid'.


As I was contemplating the new year and where I've been, this got me thinking a bit about myself and my life. As I begin 2016, I'm thinking maybe it would be beneficial for each of us to take advantage of all this data that is now available. Professionally, my company is still going to focus on content, however my clients are asking us for more tools to help them assess their students so they can intervene before they fail, not merely doing damage control after they fail. Sounds like a good idea right?


This is a good time to look at where we are on our life journey. Let's look back to where we were. When is the last time you did this? Often I think we get so focused on the 'problem of the day' that we fail to see the big picture of what we have already accomplished. One small, but poignant example for me is my bike riding. I've only been riding since February of 2012, however I use an app called Strava. This allows me to track both my running and cycling workouts. When I look back, mostly what I see is pretty unimpressive: I don't ride that far, and certainly never very fast. I know I live in a hilly area, but have no idea how much climbing I do.

Here's what Strava tells me:


* In 2015 I rode 2,778 miles. This is the distance from Atlanta to Seattle. I could have rode my bike to Seattle!
* I climbed 112,533 feet. This would be a 22 mile climb - basically I climbed almost to the outer bounds of the earth's stratosphere!
* I rode over 247 hours. This is basically equivalent to riding for 11 straight days without stopping.

http://2015.strava.com/video/IJ4koEF

See what data analytics can tell you? I think it's really important for all of us to be able to see our accomplishments in context of the bigger picture. When we look back at something, rarely do we ever see the bigger picture. Small and seemingly unremarkable accomplishments sustained over long periods of time reveal huge and very significant accomplishments.


This year we have an opportunity to apply this way of thinking and measuring our success to some very important aspects of our lives. Here are a couple suggestions:

1. Your Relationships
2. Your Health
3. Your Work & Finances





Take some time to look back at these. Are you where you want to be? Do you know why? These are important questions, because until you can answer them, you'll be unable to change your course and do something about it.

The second two are pretty easy to track: For your health, get a Fitbit, use apps like Strava and LoseIt! to start generating data for your exercise and diet. For your finances, most banks now have financial tools to help you budget your money and track your net worth.

Now for the important one, your relationships. This is far more qualitative and subjective. This may actually be the most important one because it will likely be the motivation for you to get your arms around the other two (see what I did there?). Use a journal app like Penzu to get a benchmark on where you are with your relationships. Be honest with yourself. Here is a link to a blog post I wrote that talks about the three types of relationships in each of our lives (thanks to Hank Henley for sharing the TD Jakes sermon!):

http://markbears.blogspot.com/2011/11/rule-of-three-theres-song-dickey-betts.html

Where are you in your life journey? Are you where you want to be? 

What are you going to do about it? 

I really want to know! 

Things Aren't Always What They Seem

"I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger

I'm traveling through this world of woe

Yet there's no sickness, toil nor danger

In that bright land to which I go..."

-Traditional American Folk Song-

Just this morning I was thinking about someone from my past. When I was in high school, my summer job (since the age of 10) was as a caddy at Glen View Country Club. 

This was a very wealthy club on Chicago's North side and catered to people like JD Searle (yes THAT Searle!). Anyway, I quickly befriended another caddy who was older than I, and I only knew him as L&M (every caddy worth their salt got a nickname. Mine was Bear. Anyway L&M was a loner.  He always looked a bit haggard, with his long, thin sandy hair, clean shaven face and clean but wrinkled clothes, and he was very tall and thin. His skin was weathered making him look older than he was. 

We spent a lot of time just hanging out at the caddy shack (yes, there actually IS a caddy shack!) waiting for our 'loops' (this is what an assignment was called).  We often went to McDonalds for lunch, or I'd share whatever lunch my mom may have made for me, and sometimes I'd bring him to my house and we'd eat and hang out. He was the nicest, kindest, most interesting guy I knew. He was a gentle soul.  Also well traveled. Well, I soon found out that he didn't have home to go to after work.  Rather, he said he lived in the woods, and then when the season ended here (around early October) he'd go down to Florida and caddy somewhere down there. It just NEVER occurred to me that I was friends with a homeless man, nor did I care.  I just thought this is what he enjoyed doing, and like the beatniks and hippie's (which he was one) he preferred to not be 'tied down' with material things. The only possession he seemed to own was a bicycle.  

I have no idea if he was an alcoholic or druggie (I never saw any evidence of anything other than an occasional joint - remember this was the early 1970's!), and he was well educated, articulate, and had some of the most astute observations of and about people and things around us. I often invited him to stay overnight when the weather was crappy, but he never took me up on it. 

I've been thinking a lot about homeless people and the connection to Mental Illness lately. 

Approximately 20 - 25% of the single adult homeless population suffers from some form of severe and persistent mental illness (National Resource and Training Center on Homelessness and Mental Illness, 2003)

I was working in South Miami back in the late 1990's and on my way to campus, as I was stopped at a light, a man came up to my window with this newspaper and a donation jar.  I plunked in whatever change I had and he handed me a copy.  At lunch I decided to read it. I came across an article written by a young woman who recently found herself in the unthinkable position - she was homeless.


This educated woman recently lost her job, followed by the loss of custody of her children, she then lost her home to foreclosure, and then the only thing she had left was her car - which she was living in until it too was repossessed by the bank.

With no place else to turn, she started begging and pan handling on the street, occasionally doing things she now deeply regrets. Of the many things she talked about, the one thing that really stuck out for me was how she described people who would give her money. She said many of them asked her what she would do with the money, as a condition before giving it to her.  She said most times she'd lie and say what she thought they wanted to hear. 

But her opinion was this: "...it's none of your business what I do with the money you give me.  It's your choice of course, if you want to give me anything.  And it's my choice what I do with it. Sometimes I buy food, or an evening in a shelter, or clothes. But sometimes all I want is something to help me forget about the fact I have no where to sleep tonight, I'm in physical and mental pain, emotionally depressed and maybe a cheap wine buzz helps..."

Amen.     

Should you be interested, The Voice of the Homeless newspaper is a fundraising arm of The Homeless Voice.ORG - http://www.homelessvoice.org/  This video is a great introduction to the incredibly difficult and important work that they do.  

http://youtu.be/PFJgUVTxhUQ  

These aren't just society's disposable problems - they are people, often with significant mental illness.  As I've made clear in numerous posts, there will be NO ice bucket Challenges for me, but if anyone wants to present me with a challenge for Mental Illness education and fundraising, I'm ALL In.  

Another Rite Of Passage or Just Glad To Be Alive

"TRYING TO STEAL A MINUTE
FROM A STINGY HANDS OF TIME
AND I’M TRYIN TO GET TO HEAVEN
BEFORE THEY HANG OUT THE CLOSIN SIGN
WORLD BLOWN PAST ME
AND WHAT HAVE I GOT TO SHOW
I’M JUST TRYIN TO STEAL A MINUTE
BEFORE IT’S TIME TO GO"

(Randall Bramblett from The Bright Spots)

Today's Chautauqua  concerns a recent health scare, another rite of passage, and a renewed sense of relief and appreciation of this gift we call life - all wrapped up together.  Without going into the unpleasant details, recently I have been having much pain and discomfort in my gut and it brought me to finally do something about it (I know, something about men not stopping to ask for directions yada, yada...).  Which led me to my most recent rite of passage.  I call my Blog, The Other Side of This Life because I am, and one of these rites of passage for anyone over 50 is the dreaded (for very good reason!) Colonoscopy.

Anyone who has been through this awful experience understands.  Those who have not, will eventually.
I'm not going to talk about this, but rather some feelings that led up to it.


As it turns out, I come from a long line of hypochondriacs on my fathers side (as my wife will remind me - often). So as my abdominal pain and discomfort intensified and I continued to ignore it, I knew something wasn't right and decided to do some research online.


Anyone who has ever done this, you know, go online for medical information, knows it took me about 30 seconds to diagnose myself with advanced stage colon cancer with less than 5 years to live.  Don't laugh, you've done that too I'm sure :-).

I'm not making light of this serious situation that so many people face, I'm simply telling my story.  As I pondered my possible early demise what I was really thinking of was my family: have I taken care of them if I can't be there? Emotionally, mentally, financially?  Are my 'ducks lined up' so they are?  What will they remember about me? Will there be tears of sorrow or a mixture of tears of joy as well? Was I a good dad? A good husband? Friend? Brother? Son?

The only one of these questions I can answer is the financial one - the only one that doesn't rely on what someone else thinks. I think that, yes, if I were to die of some disease or accident, my family would be taken care of.  The good news is, after my test, whatever will ultimately kill me, it's not likely to be colon cancer.

Which leads me to the real reason I'm writing this today. I have been thinking quite a bit about some people in my life that are going through some medical challenges that are indeed threatening their very lives.  One of them is my uncle, and the other two are friends and colleagues I work with at Wiley.  I am amazed, strengthened, and humbled by their courage and determination to beat these things.  All three couldn't be more different in their personalities, demeanor, or careers.  They have families, bills, demanding social and civic responsibilities, yet the one thing they all have in common is their sheer love and zeal for life and mostly, the intense and burning desire to live.  I think the statement that captures this best is from my friend Liz who has just kicked cancer's ass:

"I am just glad to be alive so I will take the burdens that come with that gift."

So the next time I'm getting ready to complain about my arthritis, or lower back pain, or work, money or family problems, I'm going to try (try I tell you!) to remember Liz' words.

As always, Peace, Love, and Great Music! 

If you want to change the world get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward

It's graduation season and all the commencement speakers are sharing their pearls of wisdom with the recently minted scholars who are ready to go out and change the world. Some of them will be successful, and many will fail.  

The other day I came across this commencement speech by Naval Admiral William H. McRaven, a former Navy Seal, who spoke at his alma mater, UT-Austin recently, entitled: 

Ten Life Lessons From A Navy Seal.  

Please read this article and then the commentary to follow will make far more sense.  

What does it really mean to go and "change the world"?  I'm going to be 54 this August and I've been thinking long and hard about what this means.  I'm coming to the conclusion that I've been thinking about this all wrong.  It's not the world that needs changing, but rather me.  Anyone who has read anything I've written, knows that I have come to define success differently than many people.  Successful people do many things, but the following two stand out: 

1. They finish what they start  2. They embrace the concept of sustainability.  The other important point is that successful people apply this to everything they do regardless of how important it may seem.  It's so easy to think that success only gets applied to big, important goals and achievements.  Not so.  Success comes from paying attention to the little things.  

"By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter."

This speech uses an extreme example of physical, mental, and emotional abuse to illustrate his points with the Navy Seal training.  However, the morals are absolutely transferable to each one of us. I sincerely doubt that I could withstand and pass these extreme training exercises and tests to become a Navy Seal.  That's a choice we can make: do I want to apply to Navy Seal training camp? No, thank you I don't. However, we don't get the choice as to whether we want to apply for Life Training Camp.  

Whether we like it or not, we all end up swimming with the sharks during 'hell week'. 

"You can’t change the world alone—you will need some help— and to truly get from your starting point to your destination takes friends, colleagues, the good                                               will of strangers and a strong coxswain to guide them."

What I take away from Admiral McRaven's speech is that the guys who quit the Navy Seal training camp are the one's who never figure out why they are there and what it's true purpose is. It's not to be first or to beat the other guys, or the system, or do something - anything perfect because it's very design makes this impossible.  It's purpose is to break one's spirit and get them to quit.  This, like life, has a similar purpose and that is to discover who you are and what exactly you are made of.  Are you tough enough to persevere? The purpose is not to win, but rather to finish.  You'll be surprised, like the Seals, how many people simply quit.  Sometimes just by not quitting you find out that you are the winner. 

"Those students didn’t understand the purpose of the drill. You were never going to succeed. You were never going to have a perfect uniform. 

Remember the old phrase you would sometimes hear from older people, "life is a circus"?  Growing up in a large family with 6 siblings, this was so true!  However the Seals have a different take on this idea.  It's more like the, 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger' saying. The point is that perseverance through continuous adversity does indeed build character, strength and endurance even though you may feel like you are simply being punished.  

"But an interesting thing happened to those who were constantly on the list. Over time those students-—who did two hours of extra calisthenics—got stronger and stronger.

The pain of the circuses built inner strength-built physical resiliency.  Life is filled with circuses.  You will fail. You will likely fail often. It will be painful. It will be discouraging. At times it will test you to your very core."

My favorite though is #5  'If you want to change the world get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward'.  This one, combined with #10 is the real secret to success in anything you do.  At times, life is going to be unfair, cruel, unkind, ugly, brutal, unforgiving and just flat out mean. It will also be beautiful, exciting, exhilarating, fun, fabulous, and downright awesome.  You can't have flowers without rain; good times without bad; happiness without sadness; pleasure without some pain.  It's all the 'circus training' that prepares us for the long haul.  

"Sometimes no matter how well you prepare or how well you perform you still end up as a sugar cookie."

The only real question to ask yourself is, are you going to ring the bell or are you going to be the sugar cookie? 

 "All you have to do to quit—is ring the bell. Ring the bell and you no longer have to wake up at 5 o’clock. Ring the bell and you no longer have to do the freezing cold swims.

Ring the bell and you no longer have to do the runs, the obstacle course, the PT—and you no longer have to endure the hardships of training.

Just ring the bell."

#10. If you want to change the world don’t ever, ever ring the bell.

Note: All quotes are from, Naval Admiral William H. McRaven, 10 Life Lessons From A Navy Seal, speech delivered at UT-Austin 2014 commencement  

Carry On My Wayward Son & other vinyl memories of Christmas Past

It was Christmas morning and I had just turned 16 that previous August. I don't remember every detail, but I do know that I woke up that morning and came downstairs where my mom already had the coffee and orange juice ready.  Our Berrafato Christmas tradition involved Midnight Mass Christmas Eve so that Christmas morning could be spent hanging at home opening gifts and having breakfast.  Grandma & Grandpa B. would spend the night so we all could be here.  It was a big group even before girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses or grandkids.  Eleven in total when it was 'just the immediate family'.  I can't remember if Gab was with us this Christmas or whether he was already deployed in the Navy.  If he was, chances are he probably didn't get home until shortly before I woke up and was now in various states of a nasty hangover, and grumpy to boot. 

My father was a self employed attorney so money was often tight.  It was 'feast or famine' depending on who paid him when, and I don't know how he provided for us.  We  lived in a nice house and I never recall ever going without the essentials.  Even though as we got older the gift piles got smaller, how my mom was able to pull off one present filled Christmas after another - year after year - for all of us remains a real puzzle to this day.

As I surveyed my 'bounty', I saw what I already immediately knew was an album and I decided to open that one last.  There were the usual clothing articles, aftershave, and small but useful (and needed) grooming and fashion accessories, but then there was The Record!  Having just discovered the 'FM Dial' only a year or so previously, Kansas' Carry On My Wayward Son was at #11 on the Pop Charts and in heavy rotation on FM stations. 

I remember when I first started listening to the radio and I would hear a song I really liked.  It would seemingly 'burn a placeholder' in my brain and mark a period in my life - one that would always be instantly brought back front-and-center when I would hear that song.  I'd raid my piggy bank (a 45 record cost about $.69 cents in 1968 :-)  get on my bike and ride the 3 miles roundtrip to EJ Korvetts, where the record department was on the 2nd floor.  I'd buy my record and ride home as fast as I could and then play that baby non-stop.  During summer vacation when my family would spend the week at Sharenburg's White Lake Beach resort in Central Wisconsin we'd spend hours each day in the 'Game Room' and the central focus was of course, the Jukebox.  I'm sure I spent at least half of all the money I saved that year playing songs on that wonderful and joyful machine. 

Of course I'd come home and immediately start saving up to buy all those records over that fall.  This was the start of my serious music acquisition and has been on fire ever since! 

So back to that Christmas morning in 1976, as I tore the wrapping paper off the record and saw it was the new Kansas LP Leftoverture and knew THIS was going to be a great day!  (obviously one of my brothers helped my mom pick this out :-) 

Part of the immense joy I got back then from buying music was the process one had to go through to acquire it.  If you really want to see how much the world has changed regarding technology, think about how simple and instantaneous it is to buy music today.  I can literally do it in less than 30 seconds! (even while flying at 30,000 feet somewhere over Oklahoma!)  As I got older and my musical tastes evolved (or as some might argue - devolved ;-) I was no longer buying 45's, but rather 33 LP's.  This required going to different record stores and was far more expensive.  But I still got on my bike and would ride to Record City in Skokie (10 miles round trip) and of course do the EXACT same thing! 

This is just one of a dozen wonderful Christmas memories I have from my boyhood.   What are some of yours? 

Who doesn't want more stuff?

Somehow, completely unbeknownst to me, I have a subscription to Guitar Player magazine.  As I was flipping through the pages two immediate thoughts/impressions jumped out at me: First, I've never seen so much electronic wizardry in my life, let alone have ANY idea what anyone would possibly do with it.  Secondly, the players they profile are basically all technically gifted freaks of nature and most mortals who play can and never will be able to do ANYTHING these freaks can. 

How does ANY of this stuff make anyone a better guitar player?  However, the more important question is: Do they really NEED it? 

This got me to thinking about the fast approaching Christmas holiday season and the 'consumer orgy' that it has become. 

Dionysus

What Madison Avenue and Wall Street have done to this holiday would have Dionysus blushing. 

Even the God of Wine, Merry Making, Theater, and Ecstasy couldn't have imagined what we could accomplish with credit cards. 

Christmas means many things to many people, and even those who aren't religious or not even Christian find special meaning in the holidays.  Getting back to my point, how much more 'stuff' do any of us need?  I was thinking about how social media has become such an important part of our lives and being able to post photos of us having a good time has seemingly become more important than, well, actually having a good time!  I find myself guilty of missing the magic of the moment on occasion because I want to 'capture it' to post on my Facebook page. 

It's a real new and weird concept: that being how the opportunity for you to show people not with you what a great time they are missing, except that you actually missed it too because you were too busy trying to capture a photo to show them what a great time you're having and they aren't. I think this is a good metaphor for what happens to so many of us during this special Christmas / holiday time. 

We get so caught up in the 'buying stuff' and all the expectations surrounding the gift giving pressure that we often miss the opportunity to just experience the joy that may be as simple as sharing a meal, seeing a movie with friends, having a cup of coffee with a good book, or just hanging with the family or loved ones watching TV. 

Here is my wish for you this magical holiday season: May you stop the madness that is life these daze for just a spell and look at the people around you. Ask yourself, 'why are they around you?'  Hopefully the answer is because you chose to have them in your life.  Now, take some time to let them know why. 

Here's wishing you and your families a relaxing, safe, and blessed Christmas holiday season and may the new year bring you good health, lot's of laughter, happiness and prosperity. 

Peace and Love,

Markbear & family



Oh No Not the Bass solo!

On a recent trip to Chicago for a family wedding, I had the opportunity

during one of the many family gatherings to make a toast to a special person who has become a very important addition to my family, in an unusual way.  This lady is quiet, gentle, pretty, elegant, funny, soft-spoken, smart, caring, competent, and most important - very good at what she does.  All those years raising children, managing a household and loving a strong willed husband has presented her with many challenges and tremendous satisfaction.  Through it all she kept her composure, sense of humor, and just as important, her sanity.  The toast I made was, like most toasts, completely impromptu and in my inimitable style, I used a music analogy.

I got to thinking about the 'unsung hero's' of any great band. Everyone knows and loves the singers, and the lead guitarist or other lead instrumentalists take center stage.  The drummer's job in most bands is to keep time (unless you're the Who ;-), however the guy you never seem to hear or see is the bass player.  He/she is always seemingly tucked into a corner quietly, unnoticeably just doing their thing (whatever that may be).  The job of the bass player is to 'hold down the bottom end' of the groove allowing the other players to do their thing.  It is not an overestimation to say the bass player has the most crucial role in the band. Everyone in the band depends on the bassist's subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) lead. If the guitarist or saxophonist makes a mistake, hardly anyone will notice, but if the bassist makes a mistake, everyone in the band and the audience will instantly know that something is wrong. The Bass player links the harmony (chords) with the rhythm which determines whether it's the blues, rock, jazz, etc. 

I have two stunning examples of what I'm talking about here.  First, is James Jamerson known for his work over a 30 year period as bassist for the Funk Brothers - otherwise known as the band behind almost EVERY Motown record you ever heard.

James Jamerson

  Yea, that's him leading off the Temptations, My Girl. 

The other great example is the legendary Donald 'Duck' Dunn, who played bass with Booker T & the MG's.  'Duck' Dunn, along with mates Al Jackson and Steve Cropper as the studio band for Stax Records created the Memphis sound, which was the 'archrivals' to what the Funk Brothers were to the Motown Sound.  Yea, BOTH anchored by calm, cool bass players. 


This brings me back to Gerry.  This is the role Gerry is now playing in my family.  She's 'holding down the bottom end' that was once held by another very special lady - my mom.  She hasn't replaced her, heaven's no!  She has simply brought her unique 'voice' and style to a group of 'misfit toys' that was sorely in need of this sort of quiet, subtle, but strong and loving leadership.  May you continue to be blessed with good health, good humor, and surrounded with people who love you Gerry.  Thank you for all you do for the Berrafato's!

 

So my question to my dear readers is: Who is the 'unsung hero(s)' in your life?