Another Rite Of Passage or Just Glad To Be Alive

"TRYING TO STEAL A MINUTE
FROM A STINGY HANDS OF TIME
AND I’M TRYIN TO GET TO HEAVEN
BEFORE THEY HANG OUT THE CLOSIN SIGN
WORLD BLOWN PAST ME
AND WHAT HAVE I GOT TO SHOW
I’M JUST TRYIN TO STEAL A MINUTE
BEFORE IT’S TIME TO GO"

(Randall Bramblett from The Bright Spots)

Today's Chautauqua  concerns a recent health scare, another rite of passage, and a renewed sense of relief and appreciation of this gift we call life - all wrapped up together.  Without going into the unpleasant details, recently I have been having much pain and discomfort in my gut and it brought me to finally do something about it (I know, something about men not stopping to ask for directions yada, yada...).  Which led me to my most recent rite of passage.  I call my Blog, The Other Side of This Life because I am, and one of these rites of passage for anyone over 50 is the dreaded (for very good reason!) Colonoscopy.

Anyone who has been through this awful experience understands.  Those who have not, will eventually.
I'm not going to talk about this, but rather some feelings that led up to it.


As it turns out, I come from a long line of hypochondriacs on my fathers side (as my wife will remind me - often). So as my abdominal pain and discomfort intensified and I continued to ignore it, I knew something wasn't right and decided to do some research online.


Anyone who has ever done this, you know, go online for medical information, knows it took me about 30 seconds to diagnose myself with advanced stage colon cancer with less than 5 years to live.  Don't laugh, you've done that too I'm sure :-).

I'm not making light of this serious situation that so many people face, I'm simply telling my story.  As I pondered my possible early demise what I was really thinking of was my family: have I taken care of them if I can't be there? Emotionally, mentally, financially?  Are my 'ducks lined up' so they are?  What will they remember about me? Will there be tears of sorrow or a mixture of tears of joy as well? Was I a good dad? A good husband? Friend? Brother? Son?

The only one of these questions I can answer is the financial one - the only one that doesn't rely on what someone else thinks. I think that, yes, if I were to die of some disease or accident, my family would be taken care of.  The good news is, after my test, whatever will ultimately kill me, it's not likely to be colon cancer.

Which leads me to the real reason I'm writing this today. I have been thinking quite a bit about some people in my life that are going through some medical challenges that are indeed threatening their very lives.  One of them is my uncle, and the other two are friends and colleagues I work with at Wiley.  I am amazed, strengthened, and humbled by their courage and determination to beat these things.  All three couldn't be more different in their personalities, demeanor, or careers.  They have families, bills, demanding social and civic responsibilities, yet the one thing they all have in common is their sheer love and zeal for life and mostly, the intense and burning desire to live.  I think the statement that captures this best is from my friend Liz who has just kicked cancer's ass:

"I am just glad to be alive so I will take the burdens that come with that gift."

So the next time I'm getting ready to complain about my arthritis, or lower back pain, or work, money or family problems, I'm going to try (try I tell you!) to remember Liz' words.

As always, Peace, Love, and Great Music! 

If you want to change the world get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward

It's graduation season and all the commencement speakers are sharing their pearls of wisdom with the recently minted scholars who are ready to go out and change the world. Some of them will be successful, and many will fail.  

The other day I came across this commencement speech by Naval Admiral William H. McRaven, a former Navy Seal, who spoke at his alma mater, UT-Austin recently, entitled: 

Ten Life Lessons From A Navy Seal.  

Please read this article and then the commentary to follow will make far more sense.  

What does it really mean to go and "change the world"?  I'm going to be 54 this August and I've been thinking long and hard about what this means.  I'm coming to the conclusion that I've been thinking about this all wrong.  It's not the world that needs changing, but rather me.  Anyone who has read anything I've written, knows that I have come to define success differently than many people.  Successful people do many things, but the following two stand out: 

1. They finish what they start  2. They embrace the concept of sustainability.  The other important point is that successful people apply this to everything they do regardless of how important it may seem.  It's so easy to think that success only gets applied to big, important goals and achievements.  Not so.  Success comes from paying attention to the little things.  

"By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter."

This speech uses an extreme example of physical, mental, and emotional abuse to illustrate his points with the Navy Seal training.  However, the morals are absolutely transferable to each one of us. I sincerely doubt that I could withstand and pass these extreme training exercises and tests to become a Navy Seal.  That's a choice we can make: do I want to apply to Navy Seal training camp? No, thank you I don't. However, we don't get the choice as to whether we want to apply for Life Training Camp.  

Whether we like it or not, we all end up swimming with the sharks during 'hell week'. 

"You can’t change the world alone—you will need some help— and to truly get from your starting point to your destination takes friends, colleagues, the good                                               will of strangers and a strong coxswain to guide them."

What I take away from Admiral McRaven's speech is that the guys who quit the Navy Seal training camp are the one's who never figure out why they are there and what it's true purpose is. It's not to be first or to beat the other guys, or the system, or do something - anything perfect because it's very design makes this impossible.  It's purpose is to break one's spirit and get them to quit.  This, like life, has a similar purpose and that is to discover who you are and what exactly you are made of.  Are you tough enough to persevere? The purpose is not to win, but rather to finish.  You'll be surprised, like the Seals, how many people simply quit.  Sometimes just by not quitting you find out that you are the winner. 

"Those students didn’t understand the purpose of the drill. You were never going to succeed. You were never going to have a perfect uniform. 

Remember the old phrase you would sometimes hear from older people, "life is a circus"?  Growing up in a large family with 6 siblings, this was so true!  However the Seals have a different take on this idea.  It's more like the, 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger' saying. The point is that perseverance through continuous adversity does indeed build character, strength and endurance even though you may feel like you are simply being punished.  

"But an interesting thing happened to those who were constantly on the list. Over time those students-—who did two hours of extra calisthenics—got stronger and stronger.

The pain of the circuses built inner strength-built physical resiliency.  Life is filled with circuses.  You will fail. You will likely fail often. It will be painful. It will be discouraging. At times it will test you to your very core."

My favorite though is #5  'If you want to change the world get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward'.  This one, combined with #10 is the real secret to success in anything you do.  At times, life is going to be unfair, cruel, unkind, ugly, brutal, unforgiving and just flat out mean. It will also be beautiful, exciting, exhilarating, fun, fabulous, and downright awesome.  You can't have flowers without rain; good times without bad; happiness without sadness; pleasure without some pain.  It's all the 'circus training' that prepares us for the long haul.  

"Sometimes no matter how well you prepare or how well you perform you still end up as a sugar cookie."

The only real question to ask yourself is, are you going to ring the bell or are you going to be the sugar cookie? 

 "All you have to do to quit—is ring the bell. Ring the bell and you no longer have to wake up at 5 o’clock. Ring the bell and you no longer have to do the freezing cold swims.

Ring the bell and you no longer have to do the runs, the obstacle course, the PT—and you no longer have to endure the hardships of training.

Just ring the bell."

#10. If you want to change the world don’t ever, ever ring the bell.

Note: All quotes are from, Naval Admiral William H. McRaven, 10 Life Lessons From A Navy Seal, speech delivered at UT-Austin 2014 commencement  

Today I launch my Blog.  I'm calling it, The Other Side Of This Life.  Why?  Because I am.  Regardless of how much time I may have left on this planet, I'm on the other side of 50.  I find myself looking back as often as forward.  Nostalgic? Sometimes. But mostly I find that this is the best way to orient oneself in the present. I'm reminded of the popular Chinese proverb / curse, "May you live in interesting times".  Indeed we do.  However, I don't know that it is any less 'interesting' than the decades of my youth, the turbulent and crazy 1960's and 1970's.  Just different, I guess.

My goal in writing this occasional Blog is simple:  I want to share my observations, experiences, opinions, and thoughts with anyone who may take notice.  I've been thinking long and hard about what my legacy on this planet will be.  I don't think I'm anywhere near finished, but I am coming to some conclusions.  The first, and most important one is that I'm beginning to regularly question just about everything I once thought I knew.  The second one is that I truly believe that it matters what you say and do to the people around you - strangers as well as loved ones.  Thirdly, I want my children to know, I mean really know what I think about things that matter.  

You'll find two themes that will run through just about everything I write.  The first is the concept of sustainability.  Not necessarily in the environmental sense of the often overused buzz word, but rather the very real benefits one reaps from employing and harnessing the true and oft hidden power of putting it to work for you.  Secondly, music.  That may sound a bit odd - music as a theme?  The great soul singer turned preacher, Al Green once said, "There are two kinds of people when it comes to music.  Those who have music as the background to their lives; and those who have music as the soundtrack to their lives.  I have always been the latter."  This describes me pretty well and if you read anything I write, this will come through, I'm certain.

I really don't know who, if anyone will actually read anything I write.  I do have one rule which I will absolutely adhere to as well as enforce.  That being civility and respect at all times.  I'm not particularly interested in finding only readers who agree with me, but rather those who want to share their own experiences, thoughts and ideas as they relate to what I have written.

I like to tell my children that when everyone agrees with you, nobody learns anything.