A Remarkable Man, A Remarkable Life

I lost my last surviving uncle last week when he lost his battle with cancer. Uncle Tom O’Toole is married to my mom’s little sister, Elaine. They live in Phoenix, and have all their adult lives. I want to share a couple of wonderful memories of this great man. Before I do, I think it’s important to shed some background on my aunt by way of her family.  

The Senini’s, John and Alco were immigrants who came to Chicago to start their family. They had four children: Ed, Irene, Jack and Elaine. I’m not exactly sure of the dates, the order, or the reasons, but sometime in the 1950’s they all moved out west to parts in Arizona and started or raised their families (Grandma and Grandpa and Ed, who had seven children, in Yuma, and Jack, who had four, and Elaine who had four with Tom in the Phoenix area). 

Everyone accept my mom. She married Gabriel Berrafato and stayed in Chicago where all the other Berrafato’s were. I’m one of seven Berrafato children.

Aunt Elaine and Uncle Joe - Mark's Christening

One of the things I remember as a young boy growing up in the early 1960’s was that plane travel was really special, exotic even. I thought only rich or famous people could jet around the country. It was always a rare, special event when there was a ‘Senini sighting’ in Chicago back then. It also always meant there was going to be a party! I always associated my Aunt Elaine and Uncle Tom with good times (and I still do!) 

Elaine is my God mother and her husband, Uncle Tom both hold a special place in my life. He married me! Er, well, I mean he married Cristin and me. See Uncle Tom is also a retired Superior Court Judge.

Judge O'Toole and the proud Father-In-Law, Jules

When I asked Cristin to marry me we were living in Milwaukee, all my family was in the Chicago land area, and Cristin’s family was in the Phoenix area. After many, um, spirited conversations about the wedding it became apparent that no matter what we did, we were going to be unable to please both our families so we came up with an idea. Knowing Uncle Tom is a judge in Arizona, I asked him if he did marriage ceremonies. Imagine my incredible delight when he said yes! He loves to do these! So we began making plans for a small ceremony at Cristin’s parent’s Cave Creek home. 

Two things you need to know about my uncle: first, he’s a great athlete and second, he’s a huge sports fan (with allegiance to his beloved Notre Dame). When Cristin and I selected our wedding day, we unknowingly chose April 2, which also happened to be the second round of NCAA playoffs in 1988. The good judge said something like, “…I’m happy to marry you two, but not until after the game!” This was not well received by the mothers of the bride and groom (or his wife), however what choice did we have? If memory serves me correct, he was pleased when his Wildcats won, however the natives were getting restless. The ceremony was beautiful and everyone had a great time. I’m also pleased to report that Cristin and I are going on 29 years of wedded bliss so it really boosted the good Judges' wedding success stats!

The evening before Annie and Paul's wedding

The other quick story is back at the height of my running days, I was probably running five to seven miles almost daily and at a pretty good clip. I don’t recall the date, but one day during a visit to my in-laws I asked Uncle Tom if he’d like to run with me. He said sure, but I need to ‘take it easy on him’ because he was playing golf earlier that day. Well, we get out and it immediately became apparent that I was in trouble. Tom buried me! The only thing more humiliating than being killed by a guy 20 years older than me was his offers to stop and rest, which was clearly aimed at me.  

From 2004 or so to today, I was fortunate to spend much time in Phoenix on business and was able to get to know both my Aunt and Uncle well. Two finer people don’t exist and I’m so fortunate to have them in my life. Uncle Tom, you will be missed; however yours was a life well lived. You did right by your wife, children, and family. You honored your profession, and you upheld justice and the constitution for the most vulnerable amongst us. Your faith is strong, and it has guided you well. 

Godspeed Uncle Tom. Godspeed. 

Where Are You On Your Journey and What Are You Doing About It?

I recently received an e-mail from my rental car company which I didn't think much of until I opened it. I was expecting a promo offer of some sort, but instead what I saw was a dashboard telling me: How many times I rented cars from them in 2015; Where I rented; How many days I had the car; How many Frequent Rental Points I had and how many I used, so on and so forth. Welcome to the era of data analytics. Unless you've been living under a rock (or are part of my fathers generation - he's 87 and still can't figure out how to open his e-mail on his IPhone) you know that everyone is tracking what you do these days. Very Orwellian in many ways, but it is the way of the world as long as you are 'on the grid'.


As I was contemplating the new year and where I've been, this got me thinking a bit about myself and my life. As I begin 2016, I'm thinking maybe it would be beneficial for each of us to take advantage of all this data that is now available. Professionally, my company is still going to focus on content, however my clients are asking us for more tools to help them assess their students so they can intervene before they fail, not merely doing damage control after they fail. Sounds like a good idea right?


This is a good time to look at where we are on our life journey. Let's look back to where we were. When is the last time you did this? Often I think we get so focused on the 'problem of the day' that we fail to see the big picture of what we have already accomplished. One small, but poignant example for me is my bike riding. I've only been riding since February of 2012, however I use an app called Strava. This allows me to track both my running and cycling workouts. When I look back, mostly what I see is pretty unimpressive: I don't ride that far, and certainly never very fast. I know I live in a hilly area, but have no idea how much climbing I do.

Here's what Strava tells me:


* In 2015 I rode 2,778 miles. This is the distance from Atlanta to Seattle. I could have rode my bike to Seattle!
* I climbed 112,533 feet. This would be a 22 mile climb - basically I climbed almost to the outer bounds of the earth's stratosphere!
* I rode over 247 hours. This is basically equivalent to riding for 11 straight days without stopping.

http://2015.strava.com/video/IJ4koEF

See what data analytics can tell you? I think it's really important for all of us to be able to see our accomplishments in context of the bigger picture. When we look back at something, rarely do we ever see the bigger picture. Small and seemingly unremarkable accomplishments sustained over long periods of time reveal huge and very significant accomplishments.


This year we have an opportunity to apply this way of thinking and measuring our success to some very important aspects of our lives. Here are a couple suggestions:

1. Your Relationships
2. Your Health
3. Your Work & Finances





Take some time to look back at these. Are you where you want to be? Do you know why? These are important questions, because until you can answer them, you'll be unable to change your course and do something about it.

The second two are pretty easy to track: For your health, get a Fitbit, use apps like Strava and LoseIt! to start generating data for your exercise and diet. For your finances, most banks now have financial tools to help you budget your money and track your net worth.

Now for the important one, your relationships. This is far more qualitative and subjective. This may actually be the most important one because it will likely be the motivation for you to get your arms around the other two (see what I did there?). Use a journal app like Penzu to get a benchmark on where you are with your relationships. Be honest with yourself. Here is a link to a blog post I wrote that talks about the three types of relationships in each of our lives (thanks to Hank Henley for sharing the TD Jakes sermon!):

http://markbears.blogspot.com/2011/11/rule-of-three-theres-song-dickey-betts.html

Where are you in your life journey? Are you where you want to be? 

What are you going to do about it? 

I really want to know!