Equality, opportunity, & Prejudice - who do you look down upon?

Monday is the birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr., arguably one of the most important Americans born in the 20^th century.  But why is he important? What did he do that would justify such a lofty statement?  At Mass this morning our Pastor began his Homily with a simple statement, “Who do you look down upon?”  His point was that no matter who you are, or how enlightened or pious one may believe they are we all carry some prejudice against someone, or some group.  Where did this come from?  Are we born with it?  Or do we learn it? Who instills it? Who nurtures it? Who inflames it?  

I grew up in a northern suburb of Chicago and from my earliest childhood memories I remember my Uncle Willie who, usually after a Boiler Maker or two, would refer to African Americans using the most ugly and offensive epithets imaginable.  Unfortunately he wasn’t alone in his views.  Although my parents did not condone this sort of talk, they didn’t shut it down either. This was the mid to late 1960’s and it was a tumultuous time in our country where racial issues and tensions were divisive, explosive, misunderstood and very delicate. I don’t think that my parents believed what my Uncle Willie said, and I don’t think they consider themselves racist.  However, this is where the nurturing part comes in.  All you have to do is listen to someone discuss racial issues and you will learn what they really think.  Not necessarily by what they say, but how they say it; their body language, and most importantly – what they don’t say will give them away every time.  I know what I believe, but often there is this voice I hear in the back of my head (these aren’t the voices that medication silences J) where I hear my Uncle Willie and this infuriates me!  Why does this STILL come up?  Although I believe I have moved beyond racial and gender prejudices, I know I still prejudge certain groups of people. How about you? 

Each year at this time I make it a point to read what I feel is the greatest, most powerful, and potent speech ever given in my lifetime.  This is the speech that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. gave at the steps of the Lincoln Memorial on the Washington Mall on August 28^th, 1963 which has become known as the, “I Have a Dream Speech”.  Many believe this was the defining moment of the Civil Rights movement where he called for racial equality and the end of discrimination.  If you haven’t read this, or maybe not in awhile, please take a moment to read it:

http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm     

Although the times have changed, we haven’t made as much progress here as you might think.  Yes, we have an African American in the White House, and that’s huge, however racial tensions and issues in this country are still front and center. Just look at the immigration debate taking place throughout this country.  As I look around, you can replace his use of the term, Negro with Latino, Asian, Indian, Middle Eastern, Eastern European, Immigrant, Homosexual, Woman, Man, Caucasian, Poor, Homeless, fill-in-the-blank.  Justice, opportunity, and happiness are not relegated to just skin color, gender, or sexual orientation.  The socio-economic status of each of us has much to do with this as well.  The whole Occupy Wall Street movement (which remains poorly defined) is a powerful indication of how the middle class is being diminished and the wealth/income disparity is widening at an alarming pace.  Paul Krugman wrote a thought provoking Op-ed piece in the New York Times on January 8 entitled, America’s Unlevel Field.  My point in bringing this up is NOT to embark on a political argument, but rather to get you thinking about what is actually taking place in this country of ours, and it’s not at all what our politicians would have us believe from their 30 second sound bites. 

I’ll leave you with two things.  First is a link to Mr. Krugman’s article.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/09/opinion/krugman-americas-unlevel-field.html?_r=1&ref=paulkrugman

Secondly, an excerpt from Dr. King’s speech:


“…But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force…”


So, who do you look down upon?  

Sustainable Success in 2012 and Beyond

                    

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village.    

An American tourist, who was a

consultant, complimented the Mexican

fisherman on the quality of his

fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and

catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch

was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta

with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends,

have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs . . I have a

full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help

you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell

the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger

boat."

And after that?" asked the Mexican.

With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second

one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of

trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then

negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your

own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, 
Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really interesting,"

answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big,

you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" said the Mexican.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the

coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a

siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying

your friends."  - Anonymous


I love this story!  It's a great launch into today's chautauqua.  I'm calling it Sustainable Success in 2012 and Beyond.  Everyone strives for success, but just what exactly is success?  The achievement of a goal?  Sure, but who defines it?  
Can efforts that fail be successful?  
Who determines whether you succeed or fail?  
Why can this differ depending on who you ask?

I want to talk about how we determine success.  
More specifically, how we should determine success.   I've learned over the years that when I have allowed other people to create the rules of my success, I would fail just about every time.  It sounds so simple, but the trick is for you to create the rules of your success.  God has given all of us unique talents, skills, and attributes.  Just as it's possible to arrange a finite set of notes in infinite sequences to create music, the same is true with the way we use our God given talents to achieve our goals and dreams. The story of the Mexican Fisherman is a great example of this.  Both the Mexican and the American had the same goal, however each had very different ways of accomplishing it.  They also each share very different definitions of success.  


As a professional sales person one of the biggest, most important goals I strived for was being recognized as the Rep Of The Year.  Besides the plaque, money, and Rolex watch (which are ALL fabulous), the real prize is being recognized by your sales professional peers as being  #1. 
It's the equivalent of achieving an Olympic gold medal (in my opinion).  

The problem is that there are so many sales people who are better than I am at so many things and there is NO way I can beat them. After years of beating my head against the wall and intense disappointment, I decided to hell with this and just do what I do best. 


This is where the sustainable part comes in.  
I simply couldn't keep up the incredible and stressful sales effort, month after month, year after year, so I came up with ways to make the day to day grind more manageable and even enjoyable.  This allowed me to tolerate the long hours and mind numbing detail work.  It took me 11 years, and when I least expected it, I did finally achieve Rep Of The Year in 1996.  I am going on 28 years of working this crazy job with all it's unreasonable and often mind numbing travel and nonsense, but I've been able to sustain a level of performance that allows me to be a sales leader in my industry.  


When people ask me what my secret is, I tell them something no one wants to hear.  That being there is no secret.  Just sustaining a reasonable effort over a long period of time, making small and incremental changes regularly.  It's my opinion that greatness is not about winning the race every time. It's about finishing it - time after time, after time. Because what you'll find is that with each race, fewer and fewer people will finish. Excellence therefore is sustainable effort.  The simple test is to place this powerful adjective before any aspect of your life, and see if it is indeed true.

Just to put this into some perspective, I have been jogging since I was 16 and although I was never very fast, I was consistent.  As the years went on I got slower, covered fewer miles and skipped many days.  I conservatively estimate that I have been able to sustain a very modest record of jogging between 2 to 3 miles, 3 or 4 days a week over these 34 years. If you were to average this to say, 9 miles a week, x 52 weeks a year (468 miles a year).  Then multiply this by 34 years you get a total of 15,912 miles jogged.  That’s more than three quarters of the earth’s surface!  Think about it this way, it’s like running from Chicago to Beijing China, and back. Oh yea, then to Costa Rica for some beach time and rest.

Little changes sustained over a long period make a profound difference.   Who are you going to let define your success in 2012?   Let 2012 be the year that each of us introduces the power of sustainability to the important aspects of our lives. 

May you find sustainable peace, Love, friendship, good health, and prosperity in the new year.  

Some Christmas Thoughts for 2011

     As Christmas 2011 descends upon us, I would like to follow up my previous post of the Rule of Three.  In case you missed it, this was the thoughtful and excellent homily on the three types of friends in your life by Bishop TD Jakes.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PV6Ki_sau7g

     In the 27 years I have been a professional sales person, I can count the number of times I have missed my sales target on one hand.  After this disappointing and challenging year, I won’t be able to say that again.  This has left my head in a bad place where, like December, the days are short on sunlight, and the nights are cold, wet, long, and dark.  

     Like most of the U.S.A. recently, we have also had some unseasonably warm weather for December so I went for a long run yesterday.  As I was enjoying the fresh air and invigorating feeling of my muscles working and blood pumping, I had the overwhelming feeling of how great it is to be alive and healthy.  Like any 51 year old, I have my share of aches and pains, but for the most part I’m healthy.  My mind quickly went to thinking about friends and loved ones who are either no longer with us, or are struggling mightily with significant life threatening illnesses.  

     When I was 16, I watched in horror as my brothers best friend broke his neck in a hockey game, becoming paralyzed from the neck down.  Four years ago I helplessly sat by my mom’s side while she died from diabetes related heart disease.  Less than two years ago I carried the casket containing my closest and dearest friend from my childhood, who also succumbed to diabetes related heart disease.  Just this past year I witnessed my uncle, who at 70, was the fittest and healthiest person I know suddenly contract a deadly form of blood cancer which has racked his kidneys, leaving him depending on dialysis three days a week while he battles for his life. 

     My point is simply this (and no one struggles with this as much as I do!):  Intellectually I know how fortunate I am to have my health, however I continue to let the fact I missed my sales target this year bum me out.  How many of us let money, material things, and petty arguments obscure what is truly important to us?  I know we all have to have money to live, but you can’t live if you aren’t healthy.  Money won’t buy back your health (think Steve Jobs).  

     Christmas and the beginning of a new year is a great time to look back at how fortunate we all are for all that we have, and all that we have achieved.  The birth of Jesus gives us the hope for a new, brighter tomorrow.  Let’s all try and transcend our intellectual understanding of what’s important to an emotional and spiritual one.  Since our experience on this earth is a physical one, let’s start by taking better care of our human bodies so that we can free our minds and souls to pursue the limitless potential of the human experience, never forgetting that there are others who are not as fortunate as us. 

     I'll leave you with a couple of verses from the Red Hayes/Jack Rhodes tune,

 "A Satisfied Mind"

'How many times have you heard someone say'

'if I had his money, I'd do things my way?'

'But little they know that it's so hard to find'

'one rich man in 10, with a satisfied mind'

'Money won't buy back your youth when you're old'

'A friend when you're lonely, or peace to your soul'

'The wealthiest person is a pauper at times'

'Compared to the man, with a satisfied mind'

     This holiday season, count your blessings, hug your family & friends, stay safe, and eat more fruits and vegetables!

Peace & Love,

Mark-

The Rule of Three

There’s a song Dickey Betts wrote for the Allman Brothers Band back in 1994 called, Change My Way Of Living. The following verse always stuck out for me:

‘Now when your luck runs out, 

that's when your friends will run out too. 

Lord, when your luck runs out, 

your fair-weather friends will run out too. 

You're a very lucky man, Lord 

if there is just one who'll stand by you.’

With the holidays once again upon us I can’t help but reflect on how blessed I am to have such a wonderful family and some absolutely priceless friendships.  Growing up I was never the popular kid, and have always been pretty independent, however I always had a couple of good friends that I could depend on to ‘have my back’.  I’m calling today’s post, The Rule Of Three.  I have learned three very important things about myself over the years.

 

First, life is really nothing more than a series of relationships.  The quality of that life is a result of the quality of those relationships. This is why it matters, I mean REALLY matters what you say and do to others around you. 

Secondly, (and I know this unfortunately is not true for some people) your family is the single, most significant and important relationship most of us have.  The point here is most of us don’t realize the treasure we have in the people we most often take for granted.  The other point is everyone gets a family - good, bad, or indifferent. Some of us pick a family - thru marriage or adoption. But I've come to realize that what truly matters is not what family you get, but what family you keep. The former you have no control over, however the latter is your choice! 

Thirdly, everyone needs a true, trustworthy, reliable friend who they can depend on.  My good friend Hank Henley recently shared a YouTube video of the Bishop TD Jakes discussing the 3 basic types of friends.  Personally I love a good Baptist preacher sermon, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.  The basic message is that the first type of friend is the Confidant.  You’ll have very few of these. They love you unconditionally.  They are in to you.  If you get into to trouble, they will be there for you.  They will confront you, comfort you, and get into your face; they will get into your business.  If you have 2 or 3 of these in your lifetime, you are truly blessed.  Everyone needs at least one of these.  

The second type is the Constituents.  They are not into you, but rather they are for what you are for.  As long as you are for what they are for, they will walk and work with you. Never think that they are for you.  If they meet someone else that furthers their agenda they will leave you and hook up with them.  You must be very careful because if you are broken or hurt you will mistake your constituents for your confidants and you will think they are for you.  They are not for you!  You will fall in love with them and they will break your heart and hook up with someone else because it was never about you in the first place.  

The third group is your comrades.  These people make for strange bedfellows as they are not for you, and not what you are for.  They are against what you are against.  They will team up with you to fight a greater enemy, but don’t be confused by their associations.  They will only be with you until the victory is accomplished.  These people are like scaffolding – they will be removed when the building is complete. Expect them to leave.  But don’t be upset when they are removed because the building they helped you build is still standing. 

The lesson is BE careful who you confide in and tell your dreams to because if you mistake your constituents for confidants, they will break your heart.   

Who are your confidants? 

Here is the link to the TD Jakes YouTube video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PV6Ki_sau7g

Today I launch my Blog.  I'm calling it, The Other Side Of This Life.  Why?  Because I am.  Regardless of how much time I may have left on this planet, I'm on the other side of 50.  I find myself looking back as often as forward.  Nostalgic? Sometimes. But mostly I find that this is the best way to orient oneself in the present. I'm reminded of the popular Chinese proverb / curse, "May you live in interesting times".  Indeed we do.  However, I don't know that it is any less 'interesting' than the decades of my youth, the turbulent and crazy 1960's and 1970's.  Just different, I guess.

My goal in writing this occasional Blog is simple:  I want to share my observations, experiences, opinions, and thoughts with anyone who may take notice.  I've been thinking long and hard about what my legacy on this planet will be.  I don't think I'm anywhere near finished, but I am coming to some conclusions.  The first, and most important one is that I'm beginning to regularly question just about everything I once thought I knew.  The second one is that I truly believe that it matters what you say and do to the people around you - strangers as well as loved ones.  Thirdly, I want my children to know, I mean really know what I think about things that matter.  

You'll find two themes that will run through just about everything I write.  The first is the concept of sustainability.  Not necessarily in the environmental sense of the often overused buzz word, but rather the very real benefits one reaps from employing and harnessing the true and oft hidden power of putting it to work for you.  Secondly, music.  That may sound a bit odd - music as a theme?  The great soul singer turned preacher, Al Green once said, "There are two kinds of people when it comes to music.  Those who have music as the background to their lives; and those who have music as the soundtrack to their lives.  I have always been the latter."  This describes me pretty well and if you read anything I write, this will come through, I'm certain.

I really don't know who, if anyone will actually read anything I write.  I do have one rule which I will absolutely adhere to as well as enforce.  That being civility and respect at all times.  I'm not particularly interested in finding only readers who agree with me, but rather those who want to share their own experiences, thoughts and ideas as they relate to what I have written.

I like to tell my children that when everyone agrees with you, nobody learns anything.

Markbear's Thought for the Day

Greatness is not about winning the race. It's about finishing it - time after time, after time. Because what you'll find is that each race, fewer and fewer people will finish. Excellence therefore is sustainable effort. Your results may not look like anything special today, but 30 years from now that slow 2 mile daily run becomes a 17,000 mile run accomplishment!