Things Aren't Always What They Seem

"I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger

I'm traveling through this world of woe

Yet there's no sickness, toil nor danger

In that bright land to which I go..."

-Traditional American Folk Song-

Just this morning I was thinking about someone from my past. When I was in high school, my summer job (since the age of 10) was as a caddy at Glen View Country Club. 

This was a very wealthy club on Chicago's North side and catered to people like JD Searle (yes THAT Searle!). Anyway, I quickly befriended another caddy who was older than I, and I only knew him as L&M (every caddy worth their salt got a nickname. Mine was Bear. Anyway L&M was a loner.  He always looked a bit haggard, with his long, thin sandy hair, clean shaven face and clean but wrinkled clothes, and he was very tall and thin. His skin was weathered making him look older than he was. 

We spent a lot of time just hanging out at the caddy shack (yes, there actually IS a caddy shack!) waiting for our 'loops' (this is what an assignment was called).  We often went to McDonalds for lunch, or I'd share whatever lunch my mom may have made for me, and sometimes I'd bring him to my house and we'd eat and hang out. He was the nicest, kindest, most interesting guy I knew. He was a gentle soul.  Also well traveled. Well, I soon found out that he didn't have home to go to after work.  Rather, he said he lived in the woods, and then when the season ended here (around early October) he'd go down to Florida and caddy somewhere down there. It just NEVER occurred to me that I was friends with a homeless man, nor did I care.  I just thought this is what he enjoyed doing, and like the beatniks and hippie's (which he was one) he preferred to not be 'tied down' with material things. The only possession he seemed to own was a bicycle.  

I have no idea if he was an alcoholic or druggie (I never saw any evidence of anything other than an occasional joint - remember this was the early 1970's!), and he was well educated, articulate, and had some of the most astute observations of and about people and things around us. I often invited him to stay overnight when the weather was crappy, but he never took me up on it. 

I've been thinking a lot about homeless people and the connection to Mental Illness lately. 

Approximately 20 - 25% of the single adult homeless population suffers from some form of severe and persistent mental illness (National Resource and Training Center on Homelessness and Mental Illness, 2003)

I was working in South Miami back in the late 1990's and on my way to campus, as I was stopped at a light, a man came up to my window with this newspaper and a donation jar.  I plunked in whatever change I had and he handed me a copy.  At lunch I decided to read it. I came across an article written by a young woman who recently found herself in the unthinkable position - she was homeless.


This educated woman recently lost her job, followed by the loss of custody of her children, she then lost her home to foreclosure, and then the only thing she had left was her car - which she was living in until it too was repossessed by the bank.

With no place else to turn, she started begging and pan handling on the street, occasionally doing things she now deeply regrets. Of the many things she talked about, the one thing that really stuck out for me was how she described people who would give her money. She said many of them asked her what she would do with the money, as a condition before giving it to her.  She said most times she'd lie and say what she thought they wanted to hear. 

But her opinion was this: "...it's none of your business what I do with the money you give me.  It's your choice of course, if you want to give me anything.  And it's my choice what I do with it. Sometimes I buy food, or an evening in a shelter, or clothes. But sometimes all I want is something to help me forget about the fact I have no where to sleep tonight, I'm in physical and mental pain, emotionally depressed and maybe a cheap wine buzz helps..."

Amen.     

Should you be interested, The Voice of the Homeless newspaper is a fundraising arm of The Homeless Voice.ORG - http://www.homelessvoice.org/  This video is a great introduction to the incredibly difficult and important work that they do.  

http://youtu.be/PFJgUVTxhUQ  

These aren't just society's disposable problems - they are people, often with significant mental illness.  As I've made clear in numerous posts, there will be NO ice bucket Challenges for me, but if anyone wants to present me with a challenge for Mental Illness education and fundraising, I'm ALL In.  

Another Rite Of Passage or Just Glad To Be Alive

"TRYING TO STEAL A MINUTE
FROM A STINGY HANDS OF TIME
AND I’M TRYIN TO GET TO HEAVEN
BEFORE THEY HANG OUT THE CLOSIN SIGN
WORLD BLOWN PAST ME
AND WHAT HAVE I GOT TO SHOW
I’M JUST TRYIN TO STEAL A MINUTE
BEFORE IT’S TIME TO GO"

(Randall Bramblett from The Bright Spots)

Today's Chautauqua  concerns a recent health scare, another rite of passage, and a renewed sense of relief and appreciation of this gift we call life - all wrapped up together.  Without going into the unpleasant details, recently I have been having much pain and discomfort in my gut and it brought me to finally do something about it (I know, something about men not stopping to ask for directions yada, yada...).  Which led me to my most recent rite of passage.  I call my Blog, The Other Side of This Life because I am, and one of these rites of passage for anyone over 50 is the dreaded (for very good reason!) Colonoscopy.

Anyone who has been through this awful experience understands.  Those who have not, will eventually.
I'm not going to talk about this, but rather some feelings that led up to it.


As it turns out, I come from a long line of hypochondriacs on my fathers side (as my wife will remind me - often). So as my abdominal pain and discomfort intensified and I continued to ignore it, I knew something wasn't right and decided to do some research online.


Anyone who has ever done this, you know, go online for medical information, knows it took me about 30 seconds to diagnose myself with advanced stage colon cancer with less than 5 years to live.  Don't laugh, you've done that too I'm sure :-).

I'm not making light of this serious situation that so many people face, I'm simply telling my story.  As I pondered my possible early demise what I was really thinking of was my family: have I taken care of them if I can't be there? Emotionally, mentally, financially?  Are my 'ducks lined up' so they are?  What will they remember about me? Will there be tears of sorrow or a mixture of tears of joy as well? Was I a good dad? A good husband? Friend? Brother? Son?

The only one of these questions I can answer is the financial one - the only one that doesn't rely on what someone else thinks. I think that, yes, if I were to die of some disease or accident, my family would be taken care of.  The good news is, after my test, whatever will ultimately kill me, it's not likely to be colon cancer.

Which leads me to the real reason I'm writing this today. I have been thinking quite a bit about some people in my life that are going through some medical challenges that are indeed threatening their very lives.  One of them is my uncle, and the other two are friends and colleagues I work with at Wiley.  I am amazed, strengthened, and humbled by their courage and determination to beat these things.  All three couldn't be more different in their personalities, demeanor, or careers.  They have families, bills, demanding social and civic responsibilities, yet the one thing they all have in common is their sheer love and zeal for life and mostly, the intense and burning desire to live.  I think the statement that captures this best is from my friend Liz who has just kicked cancer's ass:

"I am just glad to be alive so I will take the burdens that come with that gift."

So the next time I'm getting ready to complain about my arthritis, or lower back pain, or work, money or family problems, I'm going to try (try I tell you!) to remember Liz' words.

As always, Peace, Love, and Great Music! 

If you want to change the world get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward

It's graduation season and all the commencement speakers are sharing their pearls of wisdom with the recently minted scholars who are ready to go out and change the world. Some of them will be successful, and many will fail.  

The other day I came across this commencement speech by Naval Admiral William H. McRaven, a former Navy Seal, who spoke at his alma mater, UT-Austin recently, entitled: 

Ten Life Lessons From A Navy Seal.  

Please read this article and then the commentary to follow will make far more sense.  

What does it really mean to go and "change the world"?  I'm going to be 54 this August and I've been thinking long and hard about what this means.  I'm coming to the conclusion that I've been thinking about this all wrong.  It's not the world that needs changing, but rather me.  Anyone who has read anything I've written, knows that I have come to define success differently than many people.  Successful people do many things, but the following two stand out: 

1. They finish what they start  2. They embrace the concept of sustainability.  The other important point is that successful people apply this to everything they do regardless of how important it may seem.  It's so easy to think that success only gets applied to big, important goals and achievements.  Not so.  Success comes from paying attention to the little things.  

"By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter."

This speech uses an extreme example of physical, mental, and emotional abuse to illustrate his points with the Navy Seal training.  However, the morals are absolutely transferable to each one of us. I sincerely doubt that I could withstand and pass these extreme training exercises and tests to become a Navy Seal.  That's a choice we can make: do I want to apply to Navy Seal training camp? No, thank you I don't. However, we don't get the choice as to whether we want to apply for Life Training Camp.  

Whether we like it or not, we all end up swimming with the sharks during 'hell week'. 

"You can’t change the world alone—you will need some help— and to truly get from your starting point to your destination takes friends, colleagues, the good                                               will of strangers and a strong coxswain to guide them."

What I take away from Admiral McRaven's speech is that the guys who quit the Navy Seal training camp are the one's who never figure out why they are there and what it's true purpose is. It's not to be first or to beat the other guys, or the system, or do something - anything perfect because it's very design makes this impossible.  It's purpose is to break one's spirit and get them to quit.  This, like life, has a similar purpose and that is to discover who you are and what exactly you are made of.  Are you tough enough to persevere? The purpose is not to win, but rather to finish.  You'll be surprised, like the Seals, how many people simply quit.  Sometimes just by not quitting you find out that you are the winner. 

"Those students didn’t understand the purpose of the drill. You were never going to succeed. You were never going to have a perfect uniform. 

Remember the old phrase you would sometimes hear from older people, "life is a circus"?  Growing up in a large family with 6 siblings, this was so true!  However the Seals have a different take on this idea.  It's more like the, 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger' saying. The point is that perseverance through continuous adversity does indeed build character, strength and endurance even though you may feel like you are simply being punished.  

"But an interesting thing happened to those who were constantly on the list. Over time those students-—who did two hours of extra calisthenics—got stronger and stronger.

The pain of the circuses built inner strength-built physical resiliency.  Life is filled with circuses.  You will fail. You will likely fail often. It will be painful. It will be discouraging. At times it will test you to your very core."

My favorite though is #5  'If you want to change the world get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward'.  This one, combined with #10 is the real secret to success in anything you do.  At times, life is going to be unfair, cruel, unkind, ugly, brutal, unforgiving and just flat out mean. It will also be beautiful, exciting, exhilarating, fun, fabulous, and downright awesome.  You can't have flowers without rain; good times without bad; happiness without sadness; pleasure without some pain.  It's all the 'circus training' that prepares us for the long haul.  

"Sometimes no matter how well you prepare or how well you perform you still end up as a sugar cookie."

The only real question to ask yourself is, are you going to ring the bell or are you going to be the sugar cookie? 

 "All you have to do to quit—is ring the bell. Ring the bell and you no longer have to wake up at 5 o’clock. Ring the bell and you no longer have to do the freezing cold swims.

Ring the bell and you no longer have to do the runs, the obstacle course, the PT—and you no longer have to endure the hardships of training.

Just ring the bell."

#10. If you want to change the world don’t ever, ever ring the bell.

Note: All quotes are from, Naval Admiral William H. McRaven, 10 Life Lessons From A Navy Seal, speech delivered at UT-Austin 2014 commencement