Some Christmas Thoughts for 2011

     As Christmas 2011 descends upon us, I would like to follow up my previous post of the Rule of Three.  In case you missed it, this was the thoughtful and excellent homily on the three types of friends in your life by Bishop TD Jakes.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PV6Ki_sau7g

     In the 27 years I have been a professional sales person, I can count the number of times I have missed my sales target on one hand.  After this disappointing and challenging year, I won’t be able to say that again.  This has left my head in a bad place where, like December, the days are short on sunlight, and the nights are cold, wet, long, and dark.  

     Like most of the U.S.A. recently, we have also had some unseasonably warm weather for December so I went for a long run yesterday.  As I was enjoying the fresh air and invigorating feeling of my muscles working and blood pumping, I had the overwhelming feeling of how great it is to be alive and healthy.  Like any 51 year old, I have my share of aches and pains, but for the most part I’m healthy.  My mind quickly went to thinking about friends and loved ones who are either no longer with us, or are struggling mightily with significant life threatening illnesses.  

     When I was 16, I watched in horror as my brothers best friend broke his neck in a hockey game, becoming paralyzed from the neck down.  Four years ago I helplessly sat by my mom’s side while she died from diabetes related heart disease.  Less than two years ago I carried the casket containing my closest and dearest friend from my childhood, who also succumbed to diabetes related heart disease.  Just this past year I witnessed my uncle, who at 70, was the fittest and healthiest person I know suddenly contract a deadly form of blood cancer which has racked his kidneys, leaving him depending on dialysis three days a week while he battles for his life. 

     My point is simply this (and no one struggles with this as much as I do!):  Intellectually I know how fortunate I am to have my health, however I continue to let the fact I missed my sales target this year bum me out.  How many of us let money, material things, and petty arguments obscure what is truly important to us?  I know we all have to have money to live, but you can’t live if you aren’t healthy.  Money won’t buy back your health (think Steve Jobs).  

     Christmas and the beginning of a new year is a great time to look back at how fortunate we all are for all that we have, and all that we have achieved.  The birth of Jesus gives us the hope for a new, brighter tomorrow.  Let’s all try and transcend our intellectual understanding of what’s important to an emotional and spiritual one.  Since our experience on this earth is a physical one, let’s start by taking better care of our human bodies so that we can free our minds and souls to pursue the limitless potential of the human experience, never forgetting that there are others who are not as fortunate as us. 

     I'll leave you with a couple of verses from the Red Hayes/Jack Rhodes tune,

 "A Satisfied Mind"

'How many times have you heard someone say'

'if I had his money, I'd do things my way?'

'But little they know that it's so hard to find'

'one rich man in 10, with a satisfied mind'

'Money won't buy back your youth when you're old'

'A friend when you're lonely, or peace to your soul'

'The wealthiest person is a pauper at times'

'Compared to the man, with a satisfied mind'

     This holiday season, count your blessings, hug your family & friends, stay safe, and eat more fruits and vegetables!

Peace & Love,

Mark-

The Rule of Three

There’s a song Dickey Betts wrote for the Allman Brothers Band back in 1994 called, Change My Way Of Living. The following verse always stuck out for me:

‘Now when your luck runs out, 

that's when your friends will run out too. 

Lord, when your luck runs out, 

your fair-weather friends will run out too. 

You're a very lucky man, Lord 

if there is just one who'll stand by you.’

With the holidays once again upon us I can’t help but reflect on how blessed I am to have such a wonderful family and some absolutely priceless friendships.  Growing up I was never the popular kid, and have always been pretty independent, however I always had a couple of good friends that I could depend on to ‘have my back’.  I’m calling today’s post, The Rule Of Three.  I have learned three very important things about myself over the years.

 

First, life is really nothing more than a series of relationships.  The quality of that life is a result of the quality of those relationships. This is why it matters, I mean REALLY matters what you say and do to others around you. 

Secondly, (and I know this unfortunately is not true for some people) your family is the single, most significant and important relationship most of us have.  The point here is most of us don’t realize the treasure we have in the people we most often take for granted.  The other point is everyone gets a family - good, bad, or indifferent. Some of us pick a family - thru marriage or adoption. But I've come to realize that what truly matters is not what family you get, but what family you keep. The former you have no control over, however the latter is your choice! 

Thirdly, everyone needs a true, trustworthy, reliable friend who they can depend on.  My good friend Hank Henley recently shared a YouTube video of the Bishop TD Jakes discussing the 3 basic types of friends.  Personally I love a good Baptist preacher sermon, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.  The basic message is that the first type of friend is the Confidant.  You’ll have very few of these. They love you unconditionally.  They are in to you.  If you get into to trouble, they will be there for you.  They will confront you, comfort you, and get into your face; they will get into your business.  If you have 2 or 3 of these in your lifetime, you are truly blessed.  Everyone needs at least one of these.  

The second type is the Constituents.  They are not into you, but rather they are for what you are for.  As long as you are for what they are for, they will walk and work with you. Never think that they are for you.  If they meet someone else that furthers their agenda they will leave you and hook up with them.  You must be very careful because if you are broken or hurt you will mistake your constituents for your confidants and you will think they are for you.  They are not for you!  You will fall in love with them and they will break your heart and hook up with someone else because it was never about you in the first place.  

The third group is your comrades.  These people make for strange bedfellows as they are not for you, and not what you are for.  They are against what you are against.  They will team up with you to fight a greater enemy, but don’t be confused by their associations.  They will only be with you until the victory is accomplished.  These people are like scaffolding – they will be removed when the building is complete. Expect them to leave.  But don’t be upset when they are removed because the building they helped you build is still standing. 

The lesson is BE careful who you confide in and tell your dreams to because if you mistake your constituents for confidants, they will break your heart.   

Who are your confidants? 

Here is the link to the TD Jakes YouTube video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PV6Ki_sau7g

Today I launch my Blog.  I'm calling it, The Other Side Of This Life.  Why?  Because I am.  Regardless of how much time I may have left on this planet, I'm on the other side of 50.  I find myself looking back as often as forward.  Nostalgic? Sometimes. But mostly I find that this is the best way to orient oneself in the present. I'm reminded of the popular Chinese proverb / curse, "May you live in interesting times".  Indeed we do.  However, I don't know that it is any less 'interesting' than the decades of my youth, the turbulent and crazy 1960's and 1970's.  Just different, I guess.

My goal in writing this occasional Blog is simple:  I want to share my observations, experiences, opinions, and thoughts with anyone who may take notice.  I've been thinking long and hard about what my legacy on this planet will be.  I don't think I'm anywhere near finished, but I am coming to some conclusions.  The first, and most important one is that I'm beginning to regularly question just about everything I once thought I knew.  The second one is that I truly believe that it matters what you say and do to the people around you - strangers as well as loved ones.  Thirdly, I want my children to know, I mean really know what I think about things that matter.  

You'll find two themes that will run through just about everything I write.  The first is the concept of sustainability.  Not necessarily in the environmental sense of the often overused buzz word, but rather the very real benefits one reaps from employing and harnessing the true and oft hidden power of putting it to work for you.  Secondly, music.  That may sound a bit odd - music as a theme?  The great soul singer turned preacher, Al Green once said, "There are two kinds of people when it comes to music.  Those who have music as the background to their lives; and those who have music as the soundtrack to their lives.  I have always been the latter."  This describes me pretty well and if you read anything I write, this will come through, I'm certain.

I really don't know who, if anyone will actually read anything I write.  I do have one rule which I will absolutely adhere to as well as enforce.  That being civility and respect at all times.  I'm not particularly interested in finding only readers who agree with me, but rather those who want to share their own experiences, thoughts and ideas as they relate to what I have written.

I like to tell my children that when everyone agrees with you, nobody learns anything.

Markbear's Thought for the Day

Greatness is not about winning the race. It's about finishing it - time after time, after time. Because what you'll find is that each race, fewer and fewer people will finish. Excellence therefore is sustainable effort. Your results may not look like anything special today, but 30 years from now that slow 2 mile daily run becomes a 17,000 mile run accomplishment!