A Special 'old school' Chicago Christmas Memory

"Silver bells, silver bells

It's Christmas time in the city

Ring-a-ling, (ring-a-ling) hear them ring (ting-a-ling)

Soon it will be Christmas day

City sidewalks, busy sidewalks

Dressed in holiday style

In the air there's a feeling of Christmas

Children laughing, people passing

Meeting smile after smile

And on every street corner you hear"

Although I was born in Chicago, I actually grew up in a suburb just north of the city, Morton Grove. When I was a little boy in the early 1960's there was a very special treat that my brothers and sister occasionally received. I didn't get downtown very often, however my Grandpa Berrafato worked downtown as a barber at Marshall Fields on State Street. For me there was no more magical time of the year than Christmas, and there are few places as spectacular as the Magnificent Mile in Chicago dressed in it's finest holiday greenery.

Few cities in the United States have as rich an architectural history as Chicago, or as special. One of those spectacular buildings was built in 1907 on State Street. It was built by Marshall Field, and became known as the largest department store in the world at the time. The history of this building is legendary, however there are a couple of things that will always stand out to me in my memory.





First, the iconic clock that would stand guard on the corner of State Street and Washington. This would become the meeting place for people downtown, "Meet me under the Clock at Marshall Fields!".

Second, this store had the largest Tiffany glass ceiling in the world! This work of art covers 6,000 square feet and comprises 1.6 million pieces of iridescent glass.

The dome was designed by renowned artist Louis Tiffany (it's the largest Tiffany mosaic in existence) and was crafted by 50 artisans who worked atop scaffolds for over 18 months to complete the project.

Finally, there is (it's still there!) the Walnut Room, with it's stunning Circassian Walnut paneling (installed over 100 years ago) and it's extraordinary Austrian chandeliers. This was the first restaurant in a department store and is also the longest continuously-operating restaurant in the nation. It opened in 1907 as the South Tea Room and in 1937 became known as the Walnut Room. Each year, a 45 foot tall tree, known as the Great Tree, adorns the restaurant from late November to early January and sets the space aglow with 15,000 lights and over 1,200 themed ornaments. Magnificent to behold!

Walnut Room

This is where my story begins. Because I had so many siblings (there is seven of us!), Grandma had to take us out in small groups. The tradition was, each year she'd take some of us downtown to visit Grandpa at work, then we'd all go to the Walnut Room for lunch. Some of us got Christmas, as others got Easter. For me, it was Christmas that captured my imagination.

We'd take the train in the morning to the Loop, and 'window shop' for a bit. Then we'd visit Grandpa at his hair studio. After meeting his colleagues, he'd take us to the Walnut Room for lunch.

Afterward we'd walk him back to work, then it was off to the Toy Department where Grandma would buy us each a toy! We'd then get on the train and head home. What a spectacular day! I'd look forward to this all fall!

Imagine my delight when my Aunt Elaine was able to bring my daughter Tess and her boyfriend Brian downtown this weekend to see the famed Walnut Room! It made me tear up with this wonderful memory!



What is your special holiday memory?  

Why Has Election Day Made Me So Angry?

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Find out what it means to me

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Take care, TCB"

Like so many of us, I've been thinking long and hard about this recent election and I'm just still angry as hell. So angry in fact, that I've barely been able to even discuss this even among friends. Although like many of us who have been trying to figure out what happened, the question I've been focusing on is this: where is this deep seated, visceral, and overwhelming anger inside of me coming from? 

Facebook, Twitter, and the 24/7 news cycle has shown me the full spectrum of human emotion this week, and not just from the United States, but from around the world. It's never been more clear that the whole world is watching us. 

 

I think I want to take a giant step back, and really do some soul searching. Instead of getting all political and rehashing everything we already know (and frankly, no one wants to relive) I want to explore my own anger. 

You see, the more I think about it, the more I'm coming to the conclusion that it's not so much coming from the fact we elected Donald Trump as our next president, but rather we elected a horrible, miserable, hateful, revengeful, spiteful, ugly, selfish and disrespectful human being. The most egregious being the disrespectful part. 

What does respect have to do with it? Well, I would argue everything actually. You see, in my book respect, integrity, and character are all that matter. My wife and I raised two beautiful, smart, funny, rambunctious, and strong-willed girls. 

We made plenty of mistakes, however we learned early on that we had to be united, consistent, and fair in laying down some basic rules and guidelines. 

Through trial and error, we came to agree on three rules that were non-negotiable, and everything else was. Here are the three: 1. Health - you will bathe, sleep, eat properly, take your medicine when necessary, and brush your teeth every day. 2. Education - you will go to school; you will do your homework, and you will finish high school (at the minimum). 3. Respect - You will respect yourself and others. Plain and simple. No exceptions.  

It's this third one I want to talk about, because this is the one that Mr. Trump has violated in the most spectacular, outrageous, and egregious way. I never paid any attention to this man until he entered this election, and then I had no choice. 

He forced us to pay attention. What we witnessed over an 18 month period is some of the worst, most childish, most mean spirited, but mostly just disrespectful behavior any of us have ever seen or experienced. He has said and done some of the most hurtful and disrespectful things any public figure - in the history of the world - has ever done. And he made sure it was all captured on camera or audio. 

I wouldn't tolerate this level of disrespect from my children or yours. I wouldn't tolerate it from my family, friends, coworkers, or even strangers. I certainly am not going to tolerate it from the president of the United States either. Neither should you. 

Respect is something you earn. The office of the President of the United States comes with a great deal of respect. The person who occupies that position does not. This person has to earn respect. 

This is why I'm so angry. Of all the monumental challenges Mr. Trump will face in this new position, perhaps earning our respect may be his greatest one.

Mr. Trump, it's your turn.  

A Remarkable Man, A Remarkable Life

I lost my last surviving uncle last week when he lost his battle with cancer. Uncle Tom O’Toole is married to my mom’s little sister, Elaine. They live in Phoenix, and have all their adult lives. I want to share a couple of wonderful memories of this great man. Before I do, I think it’s important to shed some background on my aunt by way of her family.  

The Senini’s, John and Alco were immigrants who came to Chicago to start their family. They had four children: Ed, Irene, Jack and Elaine. I’m not exactly sure of the dates, the order, or the reasons, but sometime in the 1950’s they all moved out west to parts in Arizona and started or raised their families (Grandma and Grandpa and Ed, who had seven children, in Yuma, and Jack, who had four, and Elaine who had four with Tom in the Phoenix area). 

Everyone accept my mom. She married Gabriel Berrafato and stayed in Chicago where all the other Berrafato’s were. I’m one of seven Berrafato children.

Aunt Elaine and Uncle Joe - Mark's Christening

One of the things I remember as a young boy growing up in the early 1960’s was that plane travel was really special, exotic even. I thought only rich or famous people could jet around the country. It was always a rare, special event when there was a ‘Senini sighting’ in Chicago back then. It also always meant there was going to be a party! I always associated my Aunt Elaine and Uncle Tom with good times (and I still do!) 

Elaine is my God mother and her husband, Uncle Tom both hold a special place in my life. He married me! Er, well, I mean he married Cristin and me. See Uncle Tom is also a retired Superior Court Judge.

Judge O'Toole and the proud Father-In-Law, Jules

When I asked Cristin to marry me we were living in Milwaukee, all my family was in the Chicago land area, and Cristin’s family was in the Phoenix area. After many, um, spirited conversations about the wedding it became apparent that no matter what we did, we were going to be unable to please both our families so we came up with an idea. Knowing Uncle Tom is a judge in Arizona, I asked him if he did marriage ceremonies. Imagine my incredible delight when he said yes! He loves to do these! So we began making plans for a small ceremony at Cristin’s parent’s Cave Creek home. 

Two things you need to know about my uncle: first, he’s a great athlete and second, he’s a huge sports fan (with allegiance to his beloved Notre Dame). When Cristin and I selected our wedding day, we unknowingly chose April 2, which also happened to be the second round of NCAA playoffs in 1988. The good judge said something like, “…I’m happy to marry you two, but not until after the game!” This was not well received by the mothers of the bride and groom (or his wife), however what choice did we have? If memory serves me correct, he was pleased when his Wildcats won, however the natives were getting restless. The ceremony was beautiful and everyone had a great time. I’m also pleased to report that Cristin and I are going on 29 years of wedded bliss so it really boosted the good Judges' wedding success stats!

The evening before Annie and Paul's wedding

The other quick story is back at the height of my running days, I was probably running five to seven miles almost daily and at a pretty good clip. I don’t recall the date, but one day during a visit to my in-laws I asked Uncle Tom if he’d like to run with me. He said sure, but I need to ‘take it easy on him’ because he was playing golf earlier that day. Well, we get out and it immediately became apparent that I was in trouble. Tom buried me! The only thing more humiliating than being killed by a guy 20 years older than me was his offers to stop and rest, which was clearly aimed at me.  

From 2004 or so to today, I was fortunate to spend much time in Phoenix on business and was able to get to know both my Aunt and Uncle well. Two finer people don’t exist and I’m so fortunate to have them in my life. Uncle Tom, you will be missed; however yours was a life well lived. You did right by your wife, children, and family. You honored your profession, and you upheld justice and the constitution for the most vulnerable amongst us. Your faith is strong, and it has guided you well. 

Godspeed Uncle Tom. Godspeed. 

Where Are You On Your Journey and What Are You Doing About It?

I recently received an e-mail from my rental car company which I didn't think much of until I opened it. I was expecting a promo offer of some sort, but instead what I saw was a dashboard telling me: How many times I rented cars from them in 2015; Where I rented; How many days I had the car; How many Frequent Rental Points I had and how many I used, so on and so forth. Welcome to the era of data analytics. Unless you've been living under a rock (or are part of my fathers generation - he's 87 and still can't figure out how to open his e-mail on his IPhone) you know that everyone is tracking what you do these days. Very Orwellian in many ways, but it is the way of the world as long as you are 'on the grid'.


As I was contemplating the new year and where I've been, this got me thinking a bit about myself and my life. As I begin 2016, I'm thinking maybe it would be beneficial for each of us to take advantage of all this data that is now available. Professionally, my company is still going to focus on content, however my clients are asking us for more tools to help them assess their students so they can intervene before they fail, not merely doing damage control after they fail. Sounds like a good idea right?


This is a good time to look at where we are on our life journey. Let's look back to where we were. When is the last time you did this? Often I think we get so focused on the 'problem of the day' that we fail to see the big picture of what we have already accomplished. One small, but poignant example for me is my bike riding. I've only been riding since February of 2012, however I use an app called Strava. This allows me to track both my running and cycling workouts. When I look back, mostly what I see is pretty unimpressive: I don't ride that far, and certainly never very fast. I know I live in a hilly area, but have no idea how much climbing I do.

Here's what Strava tells me:


* In 2015 I rode 2,778 miles. This is the distance from Atlanta to Seattle. I could have rode my bike to Seattle!
* I climbed 112,533 feet. This would be a 22 mile climb - basically I climbed almost to the outer bounds of the earth's stratosphere!
* I rode over 247 hours. This is basically equivalent to riding for 11 straight days without stopping.

http://2015.strava.com/video/IJ4koEF

See what data analytics can tell you? I think it's really important for all of us to be able to see our accomplishments in context of the bigger picture. When we look back at something, rarely do we ever see the bigger picture. Small and seemingly unremarkable accomplishments sustained over long periods of time reveal huge and very significant accomplishments.


This year we have an opportunity to apply this way of thinking and measuring our success to some very important aspects of our lives. Here are a couple suggestions:

1. Your Relationships
2. Your Health
3. Your Work & Finances





Take some time to look back at these. Are you where you want to be? Do you know why? These are important questions, because until you can answer them, you'll be unable to change your course and do something about it.

The second two are pretty easy to track: For your health, get a Fitbit, use apps like Strava and LoseIt! to start generating data for your exercise and diet. For your finances, most banks now have financial tools to help you budget your money and track your net worth.

Now for the important one, your relationships. This is far more qualitative and subjective. This may actually be the most important one because it will likely be the motivation for you to get your arms around the other two (see what I did there?). Use a journal app like Penzu to get a benchmark on where you are with your relationships. Be honest with yourself. Here is a link to a blog post I wrote that talks about the three types of relationships in each of our lives (thanks to Hank Henley for sharing the TD Jakes sermon!):

http://markbears.blogspot.com/2011/11/rule-of-three-theres-song-dickey-betts.html

Where are you in your life journey? Are you where you want to be? 

What are you going to do about it? 

I really want to know!