A Remarkable Man, A Remarkable Life

I lost my last surviving uncle last week when he lost his battle with cancer. Uncle Tom O’Toole is married to my mom’s little sister, Elaine. They live in Phoenix, and have all their adult lives. I want to share a couple of wonderful memories of this great man. Before I do, I think it’s important to shed some background on my aunt by way of her family.  

The Senini’s, John and Alco were immigrants who came to Chicago to start their family. They had four children: Ed, Irene, Jack and Elaine. I’m not exactly sure of the dates, the order, or the reasons, but sometime in the 1950’s they all moved out west to parts in Arizona and started or raised their families (Grandma and Grandpa and Ed, who had seven children, in Yuma, and Jack, who had four, and Elaine who had four with Tom in the Phoenix area). 

Everyone accept my mom. She married Gabriel Berrafato and stayed in Chicago where all the other Berrafato’s were. I’m one of seven Berrafato children.

Aunt Elaine and Uncle Joe - Mark's Christening

One of the things I remember as a young boy growing up in the early 1960’s was that plane travel was really special, exotic even. I thought only rich or famous people could jet around the country. It was always a rare, special event when there was a ‘Senini sighting’ in Chicago back then. It also always meant there was going to be a party! I always associated my Aunt Elaine and Uncle Tom with good times (and I still do!) 

Elaine is my God mother and her husband, Uncle Tom both hold a special place in my life. He married me! Er, well, I mean he married Cristin and me. See Uncle Tom is also a retired Superior Court Judge.

Judge O'Toole and the proud Father-In-Law, Jules

When I asked Cristin to marry me we were living in Milwaukee, all my family was in the Chicago land area, and Cristin’s family was in the Phoenix area. After many, um, spirited conversations about the wedding it became apparent that no matter what we did, we were going to be unable to please both our families so we came up with an idea. Knowing Uncle Tom is a judge in Arizona, I asked him if he did marriage ceremonies. Imagine my incredible delight when he said yes! He loves to do these! So we began making plans for a small ceremony at Cristin’s parent’s Cave Creek home. 

Two things you need to know about my uncle: first, he’s a great athlete and second, he’s a huge sports fan (with allegiance to his beloved Notre Dame). When Cristin and I selected our wedding day, we unknowingly chose April 2, which also happened to be the second round of NCAA playoffs in 1988. The good judge said something like, “…I’m happy to marry you two, but not until after the game!” This was not well received by the mothers of the bride and groom (or his wife), however what choice did we have? If memory serves me correct, he was pleased when his Wildcats won, however the natives were getting restless. The ceremony was beautiful and everyone had a great time. I’m also pleased to report that Cristin and I are going on 29 years of wedded bliss so it really boosted the good Judges' wedding success stats!

The evening before Annie and Paul's wedding

The other quick story is back at the height of my running days, I was probably running five to seven miles almost daily and at a pretty good clip. I don’t recall the date, but one day during a visit to my in-laws I asked Uncle Tom if he’d like to run with me. He said sure, but I need to ‘take it easy on him’ because he was playing golf earlier that day. Well, we get out and it immediately became apparent that I was in trouble. Tom buried me! The only thing more humiliating than being killed by a guy 20 years older than me was his offers to stop and rest, which was clearly aimed at me.  

From 2004 or so to today, I was fortunate to spend much time in Phoenix on business and was able to get to know both my Aunt and Uncle well. Two finer people don’t exist and I’m so fortunate to have them in my life. Uncle Tom, you will be missed; however yours was a life well lived. You did right by your wife, children, and family. You honored your profession, and you upheld justice and the constitution for the most vulnerable amongst us. Your faith is strong, and it has guided you well. 

Godspeed Uncle Tom. Godspeed.